


Drabbles of Kanera

by foxsykitsune



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Nothing explicit, kanera - Freeform, rated mature just in case
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8101927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxsykitsune/pseuds/foxsykitsune
Summary: Fluffy bits of Kanera love mixed with some angst and comedy. Random sequence no congruent timeline to the show.





	1. Teaching Worries

Hera is bothered by something... Set after Droids in Distress.

...

 

Hera sighed and stretched out aching muscles. She’d been sitting too long, reading over a list of new possible jobs. None of which seemed right to her at the moment, either not enough pay or too much risk for the crew.

Her crew.

She smiled at thoughts of her little ragtag family. Ezra was still rather new, but he’d fallen into place just like the others had.

Standing up and returning her now empty caf cup to the galley she sighed thinking of how each of them had joined on, and how she’d been so content before to be on her own.

It felt so long ago now, but it had only been a few years in reality, that it had seemed to her that she and Chopper were all she needed.

Then a smirking hot-shot of a Jedi had wormed his way onto her ship and eventually into her heart. After that, taking on more crew had been easy.

Entering her room she put down her datapad and started to strip off her working clothes.

The last job they’d taken hadn’t gone as planned. The empire had shown up and Vizago hadn’t paid them. At least they’d destroyed most of the disruptors and gotten money from taking the droids back to their owner.

Attired for sleep she turned to her bunk and paused. One more thing was edging at her mind and she knew it wouldn’t leave her alone till she dealt with it.

Making her way quietly into Kanan’s room she felt her lips tighten in a half smile before moving closer.

Crawling into the bunk beside him she wedged herself into his embrace. “Why are you still awake?” he asked groggily.

“I have to keep us on a schedule or we’ll be out of money soon.” She nuzzled her face into his neck and his hand came up to rub at her shoulder. “So, Jedi training starts tomorrow?”

His hand stilled and he was silent. Raising up a little she half expected him to have fallen back asleep, but his eyes were open staring at nothing.

“Kanan?” she questioned rising up more to see his face clearly in the dim light.

“What if I can’t teach him anything?” he still wouldn’t look at her. “What if I’m no good at it?”

She understood now why he had looked so concerned when announcing that Ezra’s formal training would start the next day.

“Oh Love, you’ll do fine. I’m sure you’ll…” her reassurance was cut off by his sigh.

“Hera, I was only a Padawan when my master was killed. Barely ready to be a Jedi.” He closed his eyes. “I wasn’t ready for any of it. I don’t think I’m ready now.”

She had heard his life story and knew how he must be feeling, but she didn’t want him to be so worried.

“Kanan, love, look at me.” She waited for him to open his eyes and turn to her. “You may not feel ready, but then again, when do any of us feel ready for what life throws at us?” She smiled “I certainly wasn’t ready for a reckless rouge to drop into my lap, only to find out he’s a Jedi too.”

He smiled back at her and leaned up placing a brief kiss on her lips. She continued when he broke away, “I certainly wasn’t ready for children and now we have three.” Her smile widened as his eyes rolled.

“Yeah, well you wanted the last one to stay. I trusted your wisdom on that.” He cajoled.

“Oh?” she shifted to lay on top of him. “I recall you telling me about a vision you had of a kid that you were supposed to train. So, I’d say he’s on you.”

Kanan wrapped his arms around her tightly. “Ok, yeah. I did have a vision, but that doesn’t mean I was going to keep him.”

She knew he was half way joking and giggled, rubbing the tip of her nose to his. “Alright, if it makes you happy I did want to keep him. He said he had no parents, and I figured it’d been a while since our last kid so, why not?”

He chuckled “You’re wrong, Sabine hadn’t been with us that long. Just warn me when you get the urge to adopt another one.”

She laughed, but it quickly faded. “Kanan.” She paused swallowing hard, trying to marshal her sudden emotions “After this is all over, after the Empire is gone…” she couldn’t bring herself to speak the next words, but his expression said it all.

“Hera, after this is over I intend to give you as many children as you want, adopted or otherwise.” He smirked up at her now happy face. “But, we could get some practice in right now if you want.”

She laughed and teased “I thought you’d had enough of adopting kids.”

He flipped their positions in one smooth move. “I meant the other kind.”

She chuckled and moaned as he set to work on seducing her and hoped that somehow he’d soon be more confident in his abilities as a teacher to Ezra. Hopefully he’d see just how wonderful he was. After all, the boy was counting on him.

And so was she.


	2. Forget Him Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the last two episodes of season one.

How could Fulcrum say that?

And on the other hand, how could she do it?

Forget Kanan?

Hera sat in her room trying to hold on to her resolve. Maybe Fulcrum was right. She needed to think about the bigger picture, about the rebellion, and about Ezra. The boy would now be the last spark of light the galaxy had, as far as the Jedi were concerned.

She took a breath in and exhaled shakily. Hadn’t it been her idea to not have a relationship till the Empire was defeated? What had happened? How did it end up like this?

She looked back at their time together and realized that he’d honored that request.

He’d flirted with her beyond all reason, but he’d still honored it.

He honored it till the night she’d given in to her growing feelings for him and kissed him.

He honored it by trying to stay in control of his emotions, but ultimately failing when her lips had covered his.

Yes, she’d broken her own rule. In the heat of the moment, and the love she’d felt, she'd given in and ended up having the best time of her life.

But, the moons of Rion were far away now. Kanan was far away now, and all she could do was try to grasp at the faded woman she had once been. The one that was alone and free. The woman that needed no other help than an old beat up droid she’d rescued in her childhood.

Causing too much trouble and gaining too much attention would only cause more loss. She may have lost Kanan, but she wouldn’t lose the others.

Others…She knew they weren’t really hers, but she had always thought herself a motherly figure to them. She was fiercely protective of them and wanted the best for them.

So after all was said and done, maybe Fulcrum was right…

For the good of the children she’d have to give up Kanan. She felt tears stinging at her eyes and tried to hold them back.

“No.” she told herself aloud. I’ve cried enough tears and the others are waiting.

Quickly wiping her eyes and pulling on her unfeeling mask she moved to where her crew was planning together.

She heard Ezra through the door, assuring the others that Kanan was still alive. That alone was some comfort, but she knew the boy wouldn’t stop without someone telling him to.

“We can’t make a plan based on a feeling” Sabine reasoned.

“Yes, we can.” Insisted Ezra. “We do it all the time.”

That was enough of that she decided.

“Not this time.” She tried to sound firm as she entered the room. Trying to convince the others was hard for her, but seeing the resolve in Ezra’s eyes hurt even more. He looked like he’d been betrayed by her and that’s the last thing she wanted.

Don’t let it get to you…her mantra was wearing thin and trying to run diagnostics on her ship wasn’t helping. His constant presence and sarcasm was in her mind, still nagging at her constantly.

By the time Sabine dragged Zeb from the cockpit she was barely holding it together.

Chopper seemed to have noticed and made a remark.

“Just recalibrate the targeting computer, will you?” Her voice was wavering.

She had to stay strong for the crew, for the rebellion, for the galaxy. She needed a distraction.

A blaring alarm started to sound. Chopper was at it again.

“Chopper! I said the targeting computer. You're overloading the internal comm!” This wasn’t what she’d hoped for as a way to distract herself. “No! Don't turn it up!” She rushed to him trying to get him to stop.

What a mess.

“Will you just unplug?” she growled. He in turn sassed at her in his usual cranky language. “How is that my fault? You plugged into the wrong system!” Was Kanan being gone getting to him too?

“Why don't you just go help Ezra find his power cells?” she suggested exasperated. When he was dodgy and suspicious she knew something was wrong. “Hmm. What are you up to?”

It took a little pushing and threatening, but she soon figured out what the others had gotten into.

‘Oh, no.’ she thought, racing back into the pilot’s seat and taking off. She had to stop this before it went too far. Before she could lose anyone else.

“Zeb! Sabine!” she approached with all the fire and force she had amassed on the flight over. They had all disobeyed her, and she could guess who the instigator was. “Where’s Ezra?!”

She watched Zeb and Sabine exchange panicked looks and continued to stare them down till they cracked.

“The kid is with Vizago.” Zeb admitted, shoulders slumping. “Ezra promised him a favor if he gave us information on how to find Kanan.”

“A favor?” she knew that wasn’t enough for a dealer like Vizago. “Why would Vizago agree to that?” Turning her glare to Sabine, the young girl grimaced.

“He told him he’s a Jedi.” The girl confessed reluctantly.

“HE WHAT!?” Hera lost it. That was enough to break apart her meticulously measured calm.

 Sabine bowed her head not meeting Hera’s eyes “I didn’t know he’d go that far. I’m sorry.”

A familiar voice from behind the two sounded “It's okay, guys. I have a lead.” They parted and she caught sight of Ezra “Whoa!” the boy was obviously surprised at seeing her there.

She bit into her words letting him know exactly how she felt “For what you just bargained, you better have something more than just a lead.”

Her ferociousness wasn’t enough to deter the young Padawan. Eventually, gazing at the pleading faces of her crew, she allowed a spark of hope to bloom in her chest.

Soon Ezra’s plan was being formed and they were actually going through with it. It was crazy, but she’d done crazier.

When it actually worked she sighed in relief, leaning back in her chair, her eyes closed.

Ezra plopped down in the seat beside her. “Hera? Are you alright? I'm sorry about all this I just...”

She nodded and leaned towards him taking his hands “Thank you Ezra. You’ll never know how much this means to me.” She let a small smile touch her lips. “I'm proud of you. You stepped up and took the lead. Kanan has taught you well.”

Ezra looked at her sincerely “So have you.”

Her heart panged within her and she felt more maternal toward him than ever before.

The information retrieval was successful, but it was far from good news.

“I think we found something.” Sabine pulled up the records. “Kanan is on Governor Tarkin's Destroyer, the Sovereign. It's still here above Lothal, but it's scheduled to leave soon.”

Hera looked up in question “Where to?”

“The Mustafar system?” Sabine replied “I've never heard of it. Hera?” she looked over to the pilot in confusion.

An icicle of dread was working its way through Hera’s heart. “I've only heard that name once. From Kanan.” The mention of his name now, knowing where he was destined to be, sent the ice further into her blood. “He said Mustafar is where Jedi go to die.”

She managed to stay strong on the outside. Encouraging their planning, but her heart wouldn’t stop aching for him. Wondering if she’d ever see him again. It wasn’t the first time they’d been in danger, it wouldn’t be the last, but Mustafar… This was a different game entirely.

Soon another insane plan was hatched and she was just crazy enough to go along with it. She trusted her crew and knew that they wouldn’t stop till Kanan was home.

As plans usually go they were forced to change and abandon ship in the TIE fighter artfully painted by Sabine.

“Ezra, we're in the TIE. Where are you?” they were running out of time.

“On my way.” Ezra answered “Go!”

Oh no! She thought. I will not let another get left behind. “We're not leaving without you and Kanan.”

And then, like a sudden burst of sunshine from the rain…“Will you just listen to the kid?” Kanan’s voice!

She smiled a real smile, for the first time since he’d gone, and almost in disbelief.  He was right there! He was almost home.

With her confidence renewed she took off. Things turned desperate, but just as they were about to lose hope, Chopper came roaring in with the rest of their rebel fleet. Hera never felt as relieved as when they had finally gotten into hyperspace. They’d made it!

She quickly scrambled out of the TIE waiting to at last see Kanan again.

Then, there he was, smiling at her like he’d never been taken at all. Climbing calmly into the transport and lecturing about how reckless they’d been, proved he was still the same old Kanan.

“You’re welcome dear.” She took his hand before embracing him. At last, she felt at home. She had thought of the Ghost as her home for so long, but now she realized, it was him.

Her heart was whole again.

Their more intimate reunion would have to wait, but for now she was happy just to be near him again.


	3. Visions of the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set mid season 2

“So…you and Hera?” Rex’s tone was friendly, but Kanan was already feeling defensive. 

His eyebrows lowered in a scowl. “Yeah? What about us?” The edge in his voice wasn’t enough to discourage the clone.

“I thought Jedi weren’t allowed to be in a relationship.” Rex tilted his head back a little gazing at something on the ceiling “Then again, I guess there were some Jedi that…”

“Look, it’s none of your business.” Kanan growled. Who was this clone to assume he knew the Jedi’s ways? “The order had a lot of rules that were confusing and to be perfectly honest didn’t work.” He knew he wasn’t able to explain why the order refrained from attachments, but he knew he’d once been a part of that order and had since let go of some of the traditions they had held. “Besides, Hera and I aren’t in a relationship.”

That had been her request to him. No official relationship until this fight with the empire was over.

That didn’t mean they didn’t get physically involved every now and then to take the edge off, which incidentally had been the cause of this conversation in the first place. If Rex hadn’t seen them making out in the cockpit…

“I’d say you two are pretty much together.” Rex smirked at the Jedi, his hand smoothing over his white beard thoughtfully.

Kanan shook his head, biting his lip and thinking of how to explain. “I love her, yes, and she loves me, but until we can settle down properly there’s a danger in us being together. If one of us is captured or…” he sighed realizing that it had already happened and she’d come to his rescue. “Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

Rex nodded. “More than you know.”

Kanan looked at him surprised. Had Rex had a lover during the war? Clones were forbidden attachment just like the Jedi…what had he meant?

“Have you thought about having kids?” Rex changed the subject rather quickly and Kanan was still curious, but decided the issue could wait.

“Well, hopefully." He studied his arm to keep from making eye contact with the soldier. "I heard it’s possible, but I’ve never met a hybrid before.” He frowned flicking some dust from his sleeve.

“I have.” Rex chimed in “A twi’lek female on Saleucami had two kids with a human male.” He smiled at the memory “Cute little things. Skin tone was mottled a bit, but they looked alright. Both had head-tails and were….”

By this point Kanan wasn’t listening. He’d spaced out as an image came to his mind. A little girl was playing in front of him, her back turned to him…no, he realized, not playing… Rocks around her started levitating, slowly circling around her small form. Her skin was a splotchy tan and green, her head-tails were barely to her shoulders indicating her young age. He wanted to call out to her, but didn’t know her name. If only she’d turn to face him.

“Kanan?” He snapped back to reality as Rex gently shook his shoulder.

“Sorry, I…” had he seen a vision of his future? “…saw something.” He looked to the old clone for a reaction.

A strange expression passed over Rex’s face before he spoke “That happens a lot to you Jedi.” Mused the former clone captain “Was it important to the mission?” his concern probably came from his experience with other Jedi he’d known and their abilities to see ahead.

“No, it’s nothing.” Kanan assured him “Sorry.” He stood from his seat hesitantly. “I’d better go see if I can help with repairs. You should find Ezra and help him practice shooting or something.”

“I’ll do that.” Rex smiled watching Kanan disappear.

Kanan kept his breath and heartbeat steady as he approached Hera’s location in the phantom. If he didn’t, he felt might just pass out thinking about what had just transpired.

Once noticing his entry she moved out from under the main console and stood. “I’ve almost finished here, just a few more tweaks to the system and we’ll be good to go.” Her smile was bright and she turned back to the console pushing some buttons.

He drew close and slipped his arms around her from behind, holding her firmly against his chest with his head on hers.

She chuckled softly “Well, what’s this about?” she tried to turn in his embrace, but he held her tighter dropping his mouth near her cheek.

“I saw a vision.” He started, unsure of what to say.

She went rigid in his grasp. “Was it bad?” her natural concern caused him to want to reassure her.

He kissed her cheek softly “No.” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I saw our daughter.”

He could feel her shock and fear through the Force. “I’m guessing you don’t mean Sabine.” Her breathing had quickened and her throat tightened.

He turned her in his arms to face him. He shook his head and held her face gently in his hands. “Hera Syndulla, you are the mother of my future daughter if the Force be willing to keep us alive through this fight.”

Her jaw went slack and he saw the faintest trace of tears in her eyes. “Kanan!”

She nearly threw herself into his chest, holding tightly to him as though he’d vanish. “Please.” Her voice was shaky “Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone else. Please don’t talk about it again until…” she paused. He knew what she meant.

“Hera, I won’t.” He rubbed circles in her back, feeling the familiar fabric of her flight suit beneath his fingers. “I’ll keep it between us, and I know that Force visions are not always as they seem so I don’t expect anything yet.” He grabbed her shoulders and pried her slowly away from him.

She looked up to see his face, her beautiful green eyes wide. “Then you have a promise to uphold, don’t you?”

“Do I?” he looked down at her confused.

“Yes! You have to promise you’ll come back to me every time you leave.” She smiled and he laughed.

“I promise.” He leaned in to kiss her lips.

‘BWAH BWAH!’ A sudden pain went through Kanan’s leg.

 Chopper had entered the phantom.

“Chopper!” Kanan growled as the droid smacked him again.

Hera laughed, placing a hand on chopper’s top. “He’s right love. You are distracting me from finishing these repairs.” She gazed at him with an expression so full of love he wanted to kick Chopper off the ship to continue what he’d interrupted.

 “Anything I can do to help?” He couldn’t stop a smile forming on his lips.

‘Bwah bwaaaaah’ the droid croaked.

“I didn’t ask you Chopper.” He scowled at the hunk of orange and white metal Hera claimed as a friend.

She shook her head, lekku twitching behind her. “You can leave me to focus, that would help.” Her smirk was playful and he nodded.

“Fine, I get it. I’m suuuuch a huge distraction and can’t do anything right. I might ruin something more than Chopper normally does.” He moved away from the murderous droid just in case it decided to lash out again.

Hera giggled “You said it, not me.”

“Hey!” he moved forward quickly placing a kiss on her forehead “I’ll be meditating if you need anything.”

 Managing one last kiss before Chopper got to him, he quickly withdrew from her and exited the phantom.

This was an interesting development for him.

He tried to reach out to the Force for answers, but all was silent.

 Finally he gave up, conceding that there was a reason for his vison, but that didn’t mean it was set in stone. Maybe the Force knew he’d need motivation not to do reckless things and get himself killed. He inwardly shrugged and sighed.

Whatever the reason he decided then and there that their future was worth fighting for.


	4. Attachments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan's in a bad mood, but can Hera fix it?

Rules, regulations, protocol… Kanan had made it very clear that he despised such things.

She had tried again and again to convince him of the importance of their support to the rebellion. She could see he still hated being involved in an active role in it, but he said he did it for her. However, she knew that he wanted the rebellion to succeed and actually enjoyed their missions more than he let on.

He sighed tossing aside the datapad in his hand. “I don’t know why we can’t just slip back into the shadows and get away from all this.”

He’d been in a dark mood all morning and her nerves were wearing thin. “Kanan…” she started, but before she could launch into her explanation he spoke again.

“No Hera, I don’t need you to tell me why we shouldn’t or why we can’t.” He stood from their common area headed straight for his room.

“Well alright then.” Hera grumped, folding her arms across her chest. Yes, he’d been like this before, but why was he so upset this time?

“You gonna let him get away with that?” Sabine’s voice chimed. She looked half serious half amused as she leaned against the doorframe leisurely.

Hera turned a quick “this is none of your business” stare to the younger girl.

Colorful shoulders shrugged as the girl smirked back at her.

Hera paused and smiled a half malicious smile “You know what, I don’t think I will let him get away with that.”

Sabine nodded curtly. “I thought not.” Moving herself into the room she added “I’ll get the boys out of the house if you want some alone time.”

 They exchanged a look of understanding before Hera smirked “I’m not sure you’ll need to, he’s in a very bad mood.”

 “Which is why you should fix it.” The young Mandalorian winked.

“Sabine!” Hera tried to sound scandalized, but it came out sounding a bit like she was going to laugh. Before any more could be said, the girl waved and departed quickly.

Hera marched straight to Kanan’s room and paused outside. She put on her best strict captain face and pushed the panel to open the door. It took a second for her to register, but the door was locked. Why would he lock her out? She entered the access code and waited, but it didn’t work. He changed the code?

Now she was really confused. She fiddled for a moment with the panel and entered her ship’s override code.

The door opened to reveal Kanan sitting hunched forward on his bunk, a look of extreme concentration and frustration on his face. His holocron was hovering before him playing a message from some old master.

She froze wondering if she’d made a mistake by entering. Then again Kanan had never been secretive of the holocron’s information with her before.

She listened as the old master recited parts of the Jedi code and launched again into the lecture. She stood still and watched, not wanting to intrude on his vigil.

The glowing figure spoke of attachments to others and how the Jedi were not permitted to enter into such relationships. It was all very confusing to her, but from what she could understand Jedi weren’t allowed to have romances.

She felt guilt and panic run through her. Was Kanan feeling guilty about loving her? Did this mean he wasn’t supposed to be in love? She fought the urge to grab the holocron and throw it across the room.

Instead she approached him and sat next to him on the bunk. “Kanan?”

The holocron closed down leaving them in the dimmed cabin light. He turned it over in his hand shaking his head. “Hera I never knew why the old masters taught us that relationships were wrong. I understood being able to let go of something for a greater cause but…” placing the Jedi artifact back in its resting place he sighed heavily. “I don’t know if I could let you go and I think that’s what they were warning against. Hera, if we fight in a larger rebellion I might lose you and… If you want to be in the rebellion I don’t think that I…”

Her heart was pounding by now, silently drumming out a nervous tempo. “What are you saying Kanan?”

When he was silent for too long she asked “Are you asking me to choose between the rebellion and you?”

He made no effort to confirm or deny her accusation was true.

She stood facing him “Kanan Jarrus how dare you.” Her voice was low and lethal “You knew from the moment we met where I was headed in life. You assisted me from that point on, willing or not, to help fight the Empire. I never asked you to come along, in fact I tried to keep you from coming with me. I never wanted to drag you into this and I never will.” She was breathing hard trying to keep her tone steady. “If you want out I’ll cut you from the crew. It’s that simple.”

He lowered his head and when it raised again she stood staring in shock. He was smiling. That smug Jedi jerk was smiling at her.

“What?” she asked warily

He stood and drew close to her “I’m just amazed at you captain Syndulla. You’d make a far better Jedi than me.”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Meaning? She growled

“Meaning you’re amazing and everything I’ve ever dreamed of.” He tried to take her in his arms but she pushed away.

“NO! You tell me right now what you want. Don’t think your flirting will get you out of this one. I’ve let you sweet talk me before, but I think you’ll recall how well that worked when we first met.”

He cringed “Yeah, I know it’s just… I want to be with you, I want to support you, I want to stay in the crew, but I’ll never be ok with the danger you blindly fly into with this rebellion.”

She nodded “I know, I don’t like it either, but Kanan…” She stepped forward to be closer to him. “You being a Jedi and training Ezra can help a lot of people. I saw firsthand on Ryloth what the Jedi did for my people. I’ve watched you help countless others with and without your Jedi abilities. We need you Kanan.” She paused hugging her arms around herself “I need you.” She swallowed and sighed “When I was a child I never thought I’d be in love, let alone with a Jedi.”

“Well, we weren’t exactly meant to…I mean back then of course.” He shrugged uneasily.

“So what’s changed? Is it because the order is gone, or is it because you hate rules? Why is it suddenly ok for us?” she paused as a bolt of nervous lightning jumped in her stomach “Is that what this is about? Are you saying you want us to give up our feelings for each other?”

His face looked as though he’d been wounded. “Hera I could never let go of my feelings for you.”

She looked away from him fearing her next words “Maybe you should.”

He was silent, standing before her in utter shock. “Kanan, if the Jedi masters told you not to fall in love, maybe there was a good reason for it. Maybe we should just forget about us.”

She turned away from him not wanting to see his pained expression any longer.

 “Hera…” he started, but his voice faltered and he couldn’t speak.

“When you were captured by the Empire I thought I’d have to give you up.” Her head bowed and her lekku drooped “I thought I’d have to forget you and it was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I wasn’t prepared to let you go and it effected my abilities as a leader. So, for the good of the rebellion maybe we should…”

He moved forward quickly and spun her to face him “Kriff the rebellion!” he growled, kissing her fiercely.

Breaking away he looked her straight in the eye. “I don’t care what some old masters said or what I was taught as a child. This…us…feels right to me. The force led you to me and I’m not letting go because of old traditions or your rebellion.”

She smiled happily and threw her arms around his neck.

While holding tightly to each other she whispered “Promise me that no matter what we won’t forget our feelings for one another. I may not be ready to call you mine, but I still know that I love you.”

He tightened his grip around her “I’ve always been yours Hera. Since the night we met I’ve devoted my life to you. That’s not going to change.”

She let out a noise of contentment and pulled back to look up at him. “What did I do to deserve you?”

He smirked “I don’t know, but it must have been good.”

She shook her head rolling her eyes to display her playful annoyance at him. He leaned forward pressing his forehead to hers.

“So, what do you want to do now?” he asked impishly moving his hands down her back and pulling her hips against him.

She chuckled “Well you’re lucky Sabine got the others out of the ship or I’d have to tell you to calm down.”

He kissed across her face to her neck “I am calm.”

She giggled and allowed herself to get swept up in his arms.

…

When they finally emerged from his room holding hands and smiling, she hoped that the previous discussion between them wouldn’t become a topic of future conversation any time soon. She still wondered about Jedi philosophy, but as long as he was fine with this then so was she.


	5. A Talk With Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set right after Hera contacts her father for the first time.

Hera had just had a very taxing discussion with her father before wandering back into the cockpit and slumping in the pilot’s seat.

“So?” Kanan prompted.

“So what?” Hera asked feeling a little more than annoyed.

“So, are we going to be working with your father?” He asked leaning closer to her seat.

She took a long steady breath in. “Yes. I suppose it is the only way.” She clenched her jaw shut and closed her eyes to think.

Kanan reached out to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Hey, are you ok?”

She turned to look at him “Kanan, I hadn’t spoken to him in years before today and I just…” she shook her head, her lips forming a tight line.

“Hera, you told me why you left Ryloth, and why you never bothered to keep in touch with him, but maybe this could be a good thing. What if he does miss you? This would be a good chance for you to…”

“To what Kanan?” she had spoken a little too harshly and toned back a bit as she continued “He never had time for me before and never bothered to try and contact me so why…” she growled under her breath “Never mind. Let’s just focus on making this work ok? We need that ship, and if he can help us, then I’ll work with him.”

Kanan remained silent for a while watching her mull over her thoughts, her lekku dancing in irritation. By now he could read her very well and knew she was frustrated by the whole situation, not just by her father. He wondered silently how this mission would affect her.

Turning to gaze back out the view port a sudden thought crossed his mind. “Hey.” He started, looking back to her. “Did you tell him about me at all? About us?”

She hesitated a split second too long for his taste. “I told him about our crew, and about a male Jedi that traveled with me long before the others joined.” She watched Kanan’s eyebrows rise and decided to have a little fun.

“He also asked if I’d taken a husband.” Hera paused, now fully enjoying her little game of tease Kanan.

“And?”  He prodded “What did you tell him?”

“Simply that the crew is my family now and they take care of me. Also that my Jedi watches over me.” She watched him relax a little and added “Then he asked if I’d given myself to you.” She had to smirk at his shocked face and stuttering reply.

“He…he did? Well what did you say?” his eyebrows were knit in concern and he was leaning forward on the edge of his seat.

She wondered if she should draw out this torture a little more and finally decided it might be worth it. “Well, I told him that that was none of his business.” She watched Kanan nod, looking somewhat relieved. “Then I told him that I can sleep with a Jedi all I want and I don’t need his permission.”

She held back her smile trying to look serious as his jaw dropped and he nearly fell forward.

“WHAT?!” He stood up and then sat down, obviously not sure of what to do with himself. “You can’t just… He’s gonna think that I…that we…I mean…we did…but… Master Windu told me and Master Billaba all about the campaign on Ryloth…Cham is…I’m gonna get shot…Hera I’m gonna die!”

She burst into laughter at his nervous rant and he turned his attention to her “What…why are you laughing? This is serious!”

She shook her head speaking between breaths. “I’m kidding. I didn’t tell him that.”

She could only unsuccessfully try to control her laughter starting up again as his expression changed.

His glare softened and he sighed “Well, I fell for that one didn’t I?” He waited for her to stop giggling.

“Are you done?” He cocked an eyebrow at her as she finally started to relax.

She took a deep breath and grinned at him “I think so, but you know I’ll hold this one over your head for a while.”

He chuckled “I suppose I deserve it.”

She reached out to him and took his hands in hers “I did tell him though that you’d defend me with your life.” She smiled as his grip tightened in hers.

“Every time.” He kissed her swiftly as he stood. “As long as I’m alive at least, so you shouldn’t try to give me a heart attack ok?”

She beamed at him “Oh don’t worry I won’t.”

He heard her giggle softly as he left the cockpit and smiled in spite of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  I don't know if you guys will find this funny, but I was up at 1am last night giggling my head off.


	6. Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera's struggle in falling for Kanan.

It had bothered Hera more and more as each day passed. She had hoped at first it was just a passing illness, but now she knew better.

The feeling in the pit of her abdomen when she thought of him. The way her blood would start to race when she caught him staring. The constant licking and chewing at her lips in nervousness when he was near.

She’d first noticed it a while back when she’d been doing repairs on her ship. She was a strong woman, but she was having trouble pulling off a jammed access panel, when he came to help.

Instead of volunteering to handle it himself, he’d reached over her shoulders and grasped at the edges. She panicked at the sudden close proximity to another living being, a very attractive male being at that, and elbowed him in the chest.

“AH.” He coughed mockingly “Careful, you could break something.” His hand trailed over the spot she’d hit.

“Sorry.” She didn’t know if she sounded genuine or not, but didn’t care when she saw his teasing smirk. “You scared me. I thought you were at the market.”

He nodded “I was, and I got all your items for you, but now I’m back.” His eyes were steady on hers and she had to look away.

He did have gorgeous eyes…she nearly sighed at her inner thoughts and turned back to the panel she was working on.

“I can help you with that.” He at least had the decency this time to offer.

Just before she could move out of the way to let him in, his arms circled her again, grabbing onto the panel. “Ready?” he asked.

She however was having a hard time controlling her heartbeat. There was nothing that warranted this response to him being so close. “Yeah.” She managed.

Together they pried at the panel and soon it gave in with a little jerk that sent her back against his chest.

He steadied her by putting his hands on her shoulders. “You ok?” he asked gently.

Why did his voice have to make her stomach flip like that? “I’m fine.” She said hastily moving away from him. “Thanks.”

She put the panel cover down on the floor and started working at the inner components.

“Yeah.” He replied simply “No problem.”

Nope. She thought… Big problem… He walked away from her and she sighed. This can’t be happening.

It went on and on like that and she found that every time he’d tell her something new about himself, she’d feel the lightness in her heart at gaining his trust.

Little by little, week by week, month by month, she felt her affection towards him grow and knew she was in trouble.

They had become very good friends and very comfortable in their arrangement.

She was captain he was crew, that was all.

His flirting had died down a bit, but he threw in a few good lines every now and then. She caught herself laughing at them and shaking her head.

“What?” he’d asked playfully. “You think my attempts to woo the most beautiful woman in the universe is funny?”

There went her heart again…Her butterflies joined in and she could feel a blush rising in her cheeks.

“I think it’s a bit much, yes” she snarked, trying to act cool.

“Well then.” He started, leaning back in his seat and staring out the view port of the ship. “What would you have me say then?”

She rolled her eyes “I wouldn’t have you say anything.” That was a lie.

He chuckled “Ah, I see.” He shifted in the chair and stood, moving close to her position in the pilot’s seat.

He reached out to her and lightly trailed his fingers up her jaw to her cheek, “You’d rather I say it like this?”

Her heart was hammering now and she prayed he wouldn’t know. He was a Jedi after all. Didn’t they have some sort of power to know another person’s emotions?

Pulling away she cocked her head “If it keeps your smart mouth shut.” She smirked up at him and realized she loved this playful banter between them…when had that happened?

He smiled down at her. “You know what else would keep me from talking?”

She felt her breath catch as his fingertips brushed her chin and his thumb her lips. “What?” she tried to sound annoyed, but didn’t think it was convincing.

“Food.” He flopped back in his chair. “Are you hungry? I’m gonna go heat something up.”

Trying not stare at him with her jaw open in shock she cleared her throat. “Whatever you want.”

He smiled that dumb smile again “Really? _Whatever_ I want?” His voice accented the innuendo and she had to roll her eyes at that one.

“Really? You’re gonna play it like that?” she shook her head. “I swear Kanan if you had half the skill in flirting as you do being an idiot I might actually fall for it.”

“Might?” he smirked, not commenting on the rest of her statement.

“Just get out of here.” She sighed heavily.

“What? Am I too much for you, captain?” his sarcasm was so heavy that she had to laugh.

“Yeah, didn’t you know that too much Kanan Jarrus is a hazard to a woman?”  She paused to watch his eyes roll “Or so I've heard.”

He stood from the copilot seat and shrugged “Hey, not all women can handle this much Kanan Jarrus.” He chuckled as he made his way to the back, presumably to get that food he’d mentioned earlier. “I’d bet that you could though.” He called back over his shoulder.

She smiled to herself as her heart fluttered within her. She was definitely in big trouble.

Oh sure, he’d be sincere sometimes and it scared her. She found herself wanting to lean into him, to hold him, kiss him, and comfort him.

Due to their circumstances growing up, they were both no strangers to nightmares.

He had yelled out one night loud enough to startle her and cause her to run to his room.

She’d found him sitting on the edge of his bunk, his head in his hands. He was breathing hard and a sheen of sweat was visible on his skin.

“Kanan?” she’d asked softly.

He flinched and jerked his head up to look at her. A moment passed between them and he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Sorry.” He ruffled a hand through his loose hair “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She wondered if it was her quick flight to his quarters, or her face that had given away her fear for him. Or maybe it was something else. She tried not to generalize off of what she’d heard about Jedi. She didn’t really know a lot, but some of those closest to her on Ryloth had told her about fighting side by side with a Jedi and how they inherently “knew” things about people.

“Why would you think I was frightened?” she bit her lip, maybe this wasn’t the moment to ask that.

He looked up at her again “You just barged in here so quickly and all.” he offered as an explanation, letting his gaze fall to the floor.

Now she felt embarrassment alongside her concern. “Are you alright?” When he nodded, but remained silent she stepped forward “Was it another dream?” she crouched down hoping to make eye contact with him.

He nodded and combed his hands through his hair, scrunching it tightly at the roots in his fingers. “I know I couldn’t save her, but I don’t need to be reminded over and over again.” His voice was strained and his eyes shut tight.

Hera placed her hands over his fists gently. She didn’t know if he felt pain at all from grabbing at his hair, but figured it would be good idea to stop him.

She worked lightly at his fingers and he relinquished his grip to hold onto her hands instead.

“Kanan, you told me what happened to your master and I want you to know I’m here for you.” She massaged his hands in hers and added “Whatever you need.”

She half expected him to smirk and start to flirt again, but he just shook his head. “There’s nothing you can do Hera.” His shoulders slumped “What’s passed is past.”

She tightened her grip “Kanan, look at me.” His aqua eyes lifted and met hers. There was a deep rooted pain there that she wanted to wipe away. “As your captain I need to make sure you’re mentally able to continue working for me.” She paused “As your friend I just want to make everything ok.”

He surprised her by lifting one of her hands to his lips, kissing it. “Thank you.” He smiled “I couldn’t ask for more.”

Her heart tugged at her chest and her breath quickened as he continued to stare into her eyes. She didn’t count how many seconds passed, but she was pretty sure she needed to retreat or end up doing something rash.

His shirtless form was already appealing enough, and his hair being down and mussed was even more of a draw.

She stood and withdrew her hands from his. “I’m across the way if you need anything.” She tried to sound casual as she turned to exit his room.

“Leaving so soon?” some of the teasing lilt was back in his voice.

She hummed “You need sleep and so do I, so yes.”

“You could sleep here you know.” He laid out on his bunk “You could fight of the monsters under the bed for me.” He joked.

She sneered “I think I’d have a harder time fighting off the monster on the bed.”

He laughed at that one and turned over, facing away from her.

When she reached the door she thought she heard him whisper “Thanks again Hera.”

It took all her willpower to walk out of his room and not return to snuggle up to him.

Time passed and soon things became more and more natural between them. Simple touches and secret smiles between them became the norm. She would brush against him sometimes, encouraging him to respond in kind.

He toned down the flirting a lot, but the banter remained. She figured he’d grown more comfortable with her and didn’t feel the need to try and impress her as much.

They’d joked about her stance on no relationships often, but this time he pursed his lips and said “Geez, you’re as bad as the Jedi order was.”

“What?” she questioned, not knowing if that was an insult.

“You and your whole ‘no relationships till after the Empire falls’ stance.” He shook his head “The Jedi were pretty strict about us not having relationships either.”

She frowned, but continued their banter “So you’re not even supposed to be in a relationship? Good, then I won’t have to worry.”

He chuckled “That was a long time ago Hera…I’m not exactly a Jedi now either. There's no order to answer to anymore.”

“Well from what you’ve told me about your sordid past, you’ve had plenty of relationships anyway.” She huffed. Hera tried to figure out at that point why she felt annoyed. Was she jealous of those other girls? Was she mad he wasn't supposed to have relationships as a Jedi?

“Yeah…” he started “I wouldn’t call it that.” He seemed upset “They got too attached to me and I had to skip town to get away…or I’d have to marry them.” He muttered the last bit under his breath.

“Is that what I have to do to get you to leave? Propose to you?” she was joking, but he wasn’t smiling.

“Don’t.” he was suddenly serious and she felt guilty.

“I’m sorry Kanan, I didn’t mean to…” she tried to apologize but he stood and walked away.

She was left alone and in shock. Had her comment hurt him so badly? She gathered up her nerve to go after him. She found him in the cargo hold, sitting on one of the crates.

“Kanan, I’m sorry if what I said was wrong.” She approached cautiously.

His jaw shifted a little as he appeared to think about her words. “No Hera, it’s not that what you said was wrong.” She grew nervous as he continued “It’s that what you said was right. Before, when there was nothing but fear in my heart, but now…” he stopped momentarily.

She wondered if there was a way out of this, but let him speak any way.

“Hera, I’m what’s wrong…” he slid off the crate and turned away from her “I never invested myself because I’d been taught my whole life that attachments are forbidden. I was scared. I ran from those girls.”

Moving across to the bigger stack of crates, he leaned his back against them. “I ran from them like I was supposed to, but with you it’s different. I don’t feel wrong about being with you.”

She had been moving towards him slowly and stopped a few feet away.

“Hera, I know I joke about us being together, but I want you to know what I really feel.” He swallowed “Hera I think that I lo…”

"Don't say it!" She shook her head “Please don’t!” She took a shaky breath as her throat tightened. She couldn’t hear this right now…She wasn’t ready for this. “Kanan, we do joke a lot, but what I said is true. I don’t want anything official between us until the Empire is gone.” she grimaced "And I don't want to hear what you were going to say."

He nodded “Understood Captain.” He made to move from the crates, but she stepped forward quickly, pinning him against them with her hands on his chest.

“Listen to me Kanan.” Her tone was harsher than she meant. “I went against my better judgment to let you onboard and I’m doing it again by telling you this…” she paused, looking deep into his eyes. “After we’re free of the Empire I want you to stay with me…Please don’t say anything now, but I’ve come to the decision that I want to keep you in my life.” Why was she saying this to him? “If you don’t want to stay when that day comes, fine. Just know that for now I need your help.” If she wasn't in trouble before, she was now. 

He was staring at her in amazement. “Hera Syndulla…did you just propose to me?” the corner of his mouth lifted.

She blushed furiously. Did she just do that?

“I knew you wouldn’t be serious about this.” She accused and stepped back.

He moved forward catching her upper arms and reversing their positions so she now had her back to the crates. “Hera, I’ll always be serious about this…about us…about marrying you one day.”

Her heart practically stopped at his words.

“I respect your decision though.” He continued, releasing her arms. “We shouldn’t be in a relationship till we don’t have to worry about the Empire.”

Hera wouldn’t call herself impulsive exactly, but at this moment that was the only word to describe what she did. Reaching out to his hand she pulled him towards her and when he was close enough, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Electricity shot through her in a lightning display of powerful feelings. Her heart sang as she felt him kiss back, but all too soon it was over.

He pulled away “Wait Hera, you just said…” he tried to protest but she put a hand over his mouth.

“I know what I said.” She smiled rubbing her fingers across his face “I know what I said and I still mean it, but I never said we couldn’t kiss.”

He grinned and kissed her again. Pulling away he rubbed his nose to hers “Hera, I don’t want this to be like the others. I don’t want to use you.”

She hummed “I don’t feel like you’re using me…if anything I’m using you.” She teased before taking his face in her hands. “Kanan Jarrus I may not want a relationship right now, but I sure as hell want you to kiss me again.”

He swiftly obliged, his hands holding firmly to her waist.

Kisses became frantic and she panted in his ear “I want you to kiss me Kanan, again and again, and do other things.”

She heard his breath catch in his chest and felt his hands tighten on her hips.

“Hera…” His voice was somewhere between a moan and a question. She could feel her lekku coiling in response.

She kissed him again, slower this time, more full of feeling. She thought her heart might burst for all the joy she felt. He started trailing kisses over her neck and one hand reached down behind her thigh. She took the hint and wrapped her legs around his waist as he lifted her against the crate stack behind her.

She ran her fingers through his hair, loving the feeling of pulling it loose from the ponytail. One hand still remained at her waist while the other traced over her leg and up to her arm. He was being cautious, not wanting to go too fast and she smiled against his lips. She decided to push him a little and see where it would go. She rolled her hips and suckled at his lower lip.

His breath shuddered and his hips pressed harder against her. She could feel the power she had over his body and it excited her. He buried his forehead between her shoulder and her neck. “Hera…” his voice sent chills through her “I don’t think this is a good idea…”

She was surprised to say the least. Unhooking her legs he lowered her to stand on her own. “You said no relationship till after we’re free from oppression of the Empire. I don’t think I could do this without something real between us.” He remained close to her and she was grateful. She didn’t want him to move away from her just yet. “In the past I would’ve tried this way before now, but like I said, things are different with you.” He kissed her forehead. “I don’t want to lose you.”

She scoffed “And did you listen to what I said? I want you with me Kanan. Nothing you could do would drive me away from you.”

“I still think we should wait.” He admitted, trailing his thumb over her cheek.

She nodded “If that’s what you want.” The ache she felt for him would settle down eventually, she hoped, but it took all her will to push him gently away so she could move.

A few weeks passed and everything was normal except for the new dynamic between them. They would sit closer together, they would kiss, their banter was less charged and more playful, all in all they felt closer than ever before.

However, that didn’t stop Hera’s little murder machine, Chopper from assaulting him.

“OW! STOP THAT!!!” he yelled at the orange and white nuisance when it shocked him again. He heard Hera laugh down the corridor. “Hey come get your vicious little baby!” he called to her. She cared too much for the overprotective hunk of junk in his opinion.

She appeared around the corner with a grin lighting up her face “He’s just trying to help you dear.”

“Yeah.” Kanan murmured “Help me into an early grave.”

She rolled her eyes and crouched down next to the droid. “I can’t help it if he likes his momma better than his daddy.” Chopper let out a sound of protest at her words.

Kanan scowled down at her “That one’s not mine.”

She laughed and went back to her own work down the hall.

“OW! STOP!” she heard again and smiled even wider. Yep, she definitely loved him.

They approached Rion’s system to start her new mission. “I have a contact I’m meeting on the planet.” She clarified “We should probably refuel and gather supplies while we’re here.”

“I’ll do that then while you meet who you’re looking for.” He volunteered.

They landed and he went over a list of what they needed to get to continue their journey. She emerged from her room wearing a casual flowy dress with a matching headscarf.

“Wait. Why are you dressed like that?” he asked, his eyes moving over her form.

“Kanan, this is a vacation spot. If I don’t look like I’m here to enjoy it then I’ll stand out and possibly blow my cover.” She explained. “I can’t exactly sneak around wearing a cloak in the dark like I could on Gorse.”

He shook his head “And what is your cover story may I ask?”

She shrugged “I won a trip in a lottery.” She’d thought it was convincing, but looking at his face she wasn’t sure now. “What?”

He frowned “What if someone gets a little too curious? Do you have proof of your cover story?”

She shook her head “I don’t think anyone will be troubled enough by me to ask for proof.”

“Hera, the whole reason you were sent here is because of intel intercepted from the Empire. They think there are rebels here just like you do.” He was right.

“Don’t worry Kanan.” She smiled “I’ll be careful.”

She left the ship and headed to the meeting point. The meeting itself and the information swap went perfectly. It was the walk home that was the most treacherous.

Hera could spot imperial uniforms and Stormtrooper armor from a mile away in this place. She was glad she’d dressed the part as she watched them mill through the crowd. She ducked into one of the shops beside her to avoid the main group of them. She looked around the small shop with convincing interest, while still watching the troops outside.

“You looking for something specific?” a voice behind her startled her. She spun around to find a woman standing behind her.

“No.” she paused putting on her best Ryloth accent “Actually, yes.” She chuckled “My husband keeps complaining about how boring our normal caf has gotten. I was wondering if you could suggest anything.”

The woman nodded knowingly “Men always have to complain about something. Well, we have some pretty good stuff back here.” The woman led her further into the shop and started explaining flavors and types.

Hera actually started to relax and feel comfortable with the woman when the shop door opened revealing an imperial officer and a few storm troopers. The officer wasn’t high ranking, but that made no difference to Hera. She looked away from him and turned back to the shelves as though she was perfectly fine with imperials being so close.

“I’ll be with you in a moment.” The woman called.

The officer stepped towards them “This won’t take long I assure you.” He signaled to the troopers and they moved through the shop. “Routine search of all businesses. We are looking for known rebel sympathizers on the planet.”

The woman watched as the troopers were moving through the shop, checking every possible hiding spot. The officer stepped closer to Hera “And how long have you been here?”

She smiled at him still laying on her accent “Oh, not long. My husband and I are staying here together. It’s nice to get away sometimes. Do you get any time off officer?”

He ignored her question “And where exactly is your husband?”

She kept her pleasant guise up as she answered “He’s packing our things and getting our ship ready to leave. I came here to pick up some last minute souvenirs.” She gestured around her at the shop.

“And that’s what I was helping her with until you interrupted, if you'll excuse me.” The shop owner pushed past the officer, leading Hera down the row to a small table. “Here.” she shoved a bundle into Hera’s hands “He’ll never complain about this caf.”

The officer approached again “I’m afraid you’ll have to stay a bit longer, no ships are allowed out of the system until our search is complete.”

Hera nodded “Well, that will be excellent. I was trying to convince him we should stay longer.” Her wide grin and positive attitude seemed to placate the officer.

Hera paid for the caf and bid the woman goodbye. Once outside she heard the officer’s voice behind her. “I could escort you to your ship and explain to your husband the circumstances.”

She felt her heart speed up. The officer was trying to check her cover story. She was glad she hadn’t used her original one, but now… Would Kanan know to play along? Or would he start blasting imperials when he saw them following her back to the shipyard?

“Thank you officer.” She said sounding as grateful as she could “But, I don’t wish to inconvenience you at all.”

He smirked “It’s no trouble at all, believe me.”

She led them back to the shipyard and was glad to see Kanan waiting outside the landing bay for her. The imperials wouldn’t get near her ship if he came out to meet them.

He rushed forward “Where have you been?” he looked at the officer beside her in suspicion “You took a long time to get here.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist “Darling, this officer was kind enough to escort me back here. He said we can’t leave yet.”

The Imperial looked Kanan over “This is your husband?” he asked looking a little doubtful.

Kanan was a natural at the play along game apparently as he wrapped his arms around her. “Just married actually.” He looked down at Hera “It sure does sound nice to hear that word. I’m a husband now.” His smile was sickly sweet and he stared into her eyes.

The officer cleared his throat and Kanan looked at him “Oh, sorry. What were you saying about us not leaving?”

The man scowled at the fake couple “No ships will be allowed to leave the system until we are through checking over the planet for rebels.”

“Rebels? Here?” Kanan asked in seeming shock. “I thought this place was a peaceful resort. That’s why we came here for our honeymoon, right dear?” he looked back to Hera and she wanted to give him a look to tell him to not overdo it, but she smiled happily instead.

“Yes, love.” She knew she had to be convincing. Reaching up she pulled Kanan down to kiss him. He obliged willingly and soon their innocent kiss started escalating.

“Ahem, yes. Well you will have to stay in the system until we are satisfied with our work.” The Imperial tried to interrupt.

Kanan broke from Hera for a second to acknowledge the man “Yeah thanks. I wanted to leave, but now I think we should stay longer.” His mouth was back on hers the moment he stopped talking and the officer was clearly annoyed and stalked off, his troopers following him.

When they were finally out of view Kanan pulled away. “Nice performance.” His smile was cocky and she nudged him with her elbow as she walked past him.

“You weren’t so bad yourself.” She smiled wickedly and headed back to the ship. Once on board she changed back to her normal clothing and started up the engines.

“I thought we weren’t allowed to leave.” He stated, moving into the copilot seat.

“We’re not leaving the system. We’re just going to one of the moons to get some privacy, love.” The pet-name was so natural now. She decided calling him love, and dear, was perfectly acceptable.

“I like the sound of that.” He grinned. “Being alone with you while we watch the empire drift around above us.” Chopper made a grumbling noise beside him but Kanan ignored him.

They landed on the moon and Hera moved back towards the dining area. “Chopper, keep an eye out for any ships poking around out there.”

The droid confirmed or perhaps complained and Kanan followed where Hera had went. She was at the caf maker pouring two cups of the aromatic liquid. Turning around she saw him in the door way and held one of the cups out towards him. “Here.” She offered sliding into a seat at the table He sat across from her and accepted the cup of steaming liquid.

“What is it?” he asked after taking the first sip. “This is really good.”

She smiled “Glad you like it. The woman in the shop called it Spiran caf.”

They drank in silence for a while. He’d never ask about her missions. The less he knew, the better. “So, you didn’t use your lottery winning excuse back there did you?”

And so the teasing began.

“No.” she admitted “I had to think fast and make up a new one.”

She could tell he was trying not to smile “And the first thing you thought of was telling them we were married?”

She didn’t know what she wanted more at the moment, to kick him or punch him. “It was believable. Especially with your acting skills.” She tilted her head “Or maybe you weren’t acting.”

He smirked “Were you?”

She rolled her eyes and continued sipping her caf. It was really good.

“That accent by the way. I’ve never heard you use it before.” He commented casually.

She studied the table top between them. “It’s how I learned to talk.” She said quietly. “I cover it up to…” she didn’t quite know what reason she should tell him. “To disguise my heritage when talking to imperials over comm. They don't like non-humans.”

He studied her features “Why else?” he asked, calmly taking a sip from his cup.

Was she so obvious? She sighed “It reminds me of home too much.”

He looked at her concerned “You don’t want to remember your home?”

She shook her head. “My father has always been a fighter for as long as I can remember. He was a resistance fighter with many of our people in the Clone war.” She shook her head again, her lekku drooping “I knew that he had important work to do, but when the Republic became the Empire and my mother died, he threw himself into battle strategy and planning and left me alone. I was always alone after that and I figured if he didn’t want me there, then I’d be more useful elsewhere. I learned to fly and for the first time in my life I felt free. I felt happy to be alone, just me and Chop.” She kicked his boot lightly under the table “Then you ruined it.”

He chuckled “I’m not sorry for that by the way. It was you that found me on Gorse anyway.” He paused, thinking over what she had said. “I think your accent is pretty.” He mentioned as an afterthought.

“Which one?” she asked, a tattooed eyebrow marking inching upward.

“Both.” He smiled “You know what made me follow you that night we met on Gorse?”

She shook her head. “What?”

He twisted his cup around on the table “Your voice.” Still fiddling with the cup he continued “I heard your voice and something happened to me. I had to find out what sort of heavenly creature could sound so beautiful.”

She was surprised. “My voice?”

He nodded “Yeah, I made it my personal mission to find out what you looked like after that. I wasn’t disappointed.” He smiled into his caf. “I really was amazed by you the moment I met you.”

She felt like this could be a dream. No one said things like that in real life…things like this didn’t happen…not to her.

She stood from her seat, moving around to where he sat and plopped into his lap. He held on to her and eagerly kissed her.

His mouth tasted like the caf and she hummed into his lips. “Kanan I know we’ve talked about this, but I want you to know that I want you, I want all of you.”

He continued kissing her for a moment longer, not answering quickly.

“I know.” He trailed kisses across her cheek “I want you too… I want you right now.” he added in a husky whisper.

She looked into his eyes for confirmation that what he’d said was true. He nodded a little and she smiled.

Standing up, she held out a hand. He took it and followed her to where she led.

They ended up in his room and she turned to face him. “Are you sure?”

He held on to her tightly. “Very.” He kissed her forehead “It’s our honeymoon after all.”

She laughed and held his face in her hands. “Well, husband…” the word sounded so good. “Are you going to keep your wife waiting?” that word sounded even better.

“Never.” He smiled pushing his hips against her.

She gasped and his mouth covered hers.

…

She had been right about one thing she’d imagined…they were perfect together. Every curve and facet of their bodies seemed to fit together. They moved as one and were seamlessly in sync.

Laying on his chest afterwards she listened to his heartbeat.  He kissed the top of her head and trailed off towards one of her lekku. She squirmed happily against him.

Waking up next to him after a few hours of peaceful rest was the greatest feeling ever. He was on his side now, facing her and drawing patterns on her arm.

“Hi.” He smiled at her.

“Hi.” She smiled back.

They were silent for a moment gazing at each other. “Kanan?” she started.

“Yes?” he drifted his fingertips over her shoulder.

“Can you tell what I’m feeling?” she asked “I heard that Jedi can do that.”

He went still and looked slightly surprised. “Well…” he sighed “I haven’t exactly been trying to get in touch with the force for a while…I…” he paused “It’s always there, but I haven’t opened up to it in a long time. I can sense things from you though, if the emotion is strong enough and I’m close enough to you.”

She wondered more about the force, but decided not to ask.

“Hey, you said your father worked with the Jedi on Ryloth. Did you ever meet them?” he inquired.

“Yes, I met the Jedi briefly. The one I saw the most though was Master Windu.” She answered.

He looked surprised again. “Mace Windu? He was my master’s master. I remember him talking about Ryloth.”

She smiled and closed her eyes “So in a way we’ve been linked since back then.”

Kanan didn’t respond and she opened her eyes again. He was staring at her in shock, his eyes working over her face as though he was looking for something.

“What? Did I say somethi…” she stopped talking as he sat up quickly, still staring at her looking far more surprised than he had before.

“Wait…you’re… Syndulla…I knew I’d heard the name before.” He shook his head slowly in disbelief. “What’s your father’s name?”

She looked at him confused “Cham Syndulla, why?”

He went pale and covered his face in his hands mumbling against them.

“Kanan what is it?” she was growing fearful.

“Hera.” He dropped his hands back into his lap. “Your father is Cham Syndulla, the leader of the resistance in the battle of Ryloth. He fought side by side with Master Windu my master’s master.”

She waited…was that all he would say?

“Yes...” she said questioningly.

“He’s the liberator of Ryloth…You’re his daughter!” Kanan sounded somewhere between impressed and panicked.

“Kanan, I don’t exactly understand why you’re freaking out, but I don’t like it.” She huffed.

He looked away briefly “I’m sorry, I just….” He caught the annoyance in her expression and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He laid back down beside her and held her close. “Well I guess it’s a good thing you don’t talk to him anymore. I don’t want to get killed.”

She giggled, finally realizing what his panic was for. “What? Did you expect him to burst in here and shoot you?” she laughed again.

“Hey don’t joke.” He said with a smile. “I’ve heard the stories.”

She kissed his collarbone “Well, I don’t see myself talking to him in the near future, so you’re safe.” She smiled up at him “For now.”

He snorted and hugged her “Thanks for that reassurance. It’s not everyday you sleep with a war legend’s daughter and get away with it.”

She smirked “It could be every day for you though.”

“I thought we weren’t together.” He commented, a slight inflection in his tone.

“We’re not.” She said simply “Not really.” She paused before speaking words that set butterflies free in her abdomen “Even so, I love you Kanan Jarrus.”

His breath hitched. “I thought you didn’t want us to say that.” He whispered.

She hummed “Well it’s true, so why not?” He kissed her so passionately and she had to try hard to focus when he pulled away.

“I love you Hera Syndulla.” He said firmly, gazing at her fervently.

She bit her lip “Yes…you said it a few times when we were…” she blushed.

“Did I?” he chuckled nervously. “I meant it.”

She smiled and this time it was her turn to kiss him passionately.


	7. Approval.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set right after season 2 Homecoming episode.

Now that Hera and her father were on speaking terms, they had a lot to catch up on.

Hera stood in her quarters that night, the only light coming from the glowing figure of Cham before her.

“I don’t know if I can apologize enough, my daughter.” His words were humble as he spoke. “You know I was only doing what I thought best.” Hera looked steadily at the holo projection of her father.

“Yes father, I understand.” She had already forgiven him since they had made their escape from Ryloth in their new carrier. “And so do the others.” She mentioned, voicing the opinion of those she flew with.

“Your crew is charming.” He smiled at her “I can tell they care for you a great deal, and you for them.”

She nodded “Yes, they are like a family to me.”

He glanced away for a moment “I hope you still include me in your family.”

She was shocked “Of course father!” she smiled comfortingly “We may not see eye to eye on some things, and we may have been apart for a long time, but you’ve always been my father and always will be.”

His face brightened “And you are always my daughter Hera.”

She longed to hug him again. Now that they had decided to put aside their differences and support each other, she felt the nostalgia of having him near her when she was little.

“Hera?” His voice was questioning “That Jedi of yours…”

She bit her lip “Yes, father? What about him?”

“Are you in love with him my child?” From the look on his face she could tell he probably already knew the answer.

“And if I am?” she held her head higher as if daring him to challenge her.

“You know they are hunted.” His features showed concern “Working with the rebellion is dangerous enough, but to have a Jedi…”

“Two Jedi” she corrected

“Yes, the young one as well, to have them aboard your crew…” He didn’t need to tell her what he meant.

“I know father, but I made my choice. I love Kanan, and Ezra is like a son to me.” She confessed.

He tilted his head looking at her keenly “Yes, I gathered as much. The others as well are much like your children are they not?”

She nodded “They are, and I’ll defend them as such. You should know how protective one can be of their young.”

He sighed “I do know. All that I did, I did for you and your mother. When she died, all I had left was you.” He shook his head morosely. “I fought harder than ever without realizing that I was driving you away.”

Hera felt her heart ache in regret.

“After you left, all I had was Ryloth and it became my hope.” He was quiet for a moment “But enough talk of the past, let’s talk about the future.”

She grew inquisitive at his sudden change of subject “What do you mean?”

“Does this Jedi love you in return?” He asked with a serious tone.

“Yes father.” She confirmed. “He has told me so, many times.”

“Well then, if he loves you as you say he does, am I soon to have grandchildren? Besides the ones you have in your crew?” he smirked and she felt her cheeks flush.

“Father!” she exclaimed, quickly looking around as though someone might be listening. “This war with the empire could take a while.” she pouted. “I won’t settle down till it is over.”

His sharp teeth showed between his lips in a mocking smile “I can wait.”

She rolled her eyes “So can I.” she huffed defiantly.

“Will you be marrying Jarrus here on Ryloth then?” his tone was completely neutral, but something about the question made her feel light headed.

“What?” she took a deep breath to regain her composure.

“I assume you’ll want a traditional ceremony. After all, you are…” he continued, but she wasn’t listening.

She felt her heart pounding. This was too much right now. Yes, she wanted to marry him eventually, but to actually have to plan for it and actually have it happen… What if it never happened…What if one of them was killed…What if he left and never came back… What if…

“Hera? Hera, are you alright?” Cham’s voice broke through her contemplation.

“Hmm? Oh, yes, I’m fine.” She blinked “I’m just a little tired.” She lied.

“I should let you get some rest.” He said quietly “We can finish this discussion later.” He smiled at her and bid her goodbye before cutting transmission.

Hera flopped down on the floor and sighed. “Great! Now my father is planning my wedding to Kanan.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. So much for keeping their relationship undercover.

“What relationship?” She mumbled. They weren’t together…technically.

Then again… what was a relationship? Why did someone need to say out loud that they were in a relationship for it to be real?

She sighed again “No.” This was dangerous thinking. Her father had mentioned the danger they were in and she couldn’t deny that it crossed her mind constantly. If they were captured and the relation between them could be exploited….

She chewed at her bottom lip. Talking with her father, she couldn’t help but to call her crew family. They had become a part of her heart, and that was something she couldn’t deny.

There was no going back now.

She exited her room and moved to the common area. Zeb and Chopper were playing dejarik while Kanan watched. Sabine and Ezra were seated together in the big chair, viewing something on her datapad. Both teens were smiling and giggling occasionally. Probably a comedy holo from the sound of it, Hera mused.

She looked around at their group and smiled wider…her family…her home.

“Scoot over.” she nudged Kanan and he slid down the bench to make room for her.

She moved in close and placed a hand on his knee. His arm went around her and they watched Zeb and Chopper play.

In her mind she imagined freedom from the Empire, and hoped they would all be together like this once it had been achieved.

Some days it was too far away from reality to be obtainable, while other days it was so close she could feel it. Today she could feel it. Here with her crew, her family, her basically husband, her ship, and now that her father was once again on her side… She could feel the happiness she longed for in these dark times of Imperial oppression. This was her hope. This is what she fought for now.

Her family.

She leaned in closer to Kanan and whispered in his ear, low enough so the others wouldn’t hear. “My father approves of you.”

He snapped his attention from the game to her. He studied her face and she smiled. His hand on her shoulder tightened and his other hand shifted to hers, still perched on his knee. He began to trace out a symbol against the back of it.

They had worked out many secret codes and this was one of them. He wanted to talk more, but not in front of everyone.

A few minutes later she stood and yawned “I think I’ll get some sleep. Goodnight everyone.” A chorus of goodnights followed and she turned to leave.

Pausing after two steps she turned “Oh, I almost forgot.” She looked over at Kanan. “I wanted to go over something with you before tomorrow.”

He nodded “Well, we better look over it now so you can sleep.” He stood and followed her to her room.

Zeb smirked and looked over his shoulder at Sabine. She smiled knowingly and turned her attention back to the datapad. Ezra nudged her “Hey, pause this for a sec. I’m gonna find out what they’re talking about.” He grinned mischievously and moved to stand.

Sabine grabbed his ear. “Oh no you don’t.” she pulled him back into the chair, ignoring his protests.

Zeb chuckled “Yeah, it wouldn’t hurt you to keep your nose where it belongs for once.”

“What if it’s about our next mission?” Ezra pouted, rubbing the ear Sabine had caught. “I’m just curious.”

“Yeah, well curiosity is gonna kill the lothcat if you snoop too much.” Sabine quipped “Now shut up, I’m trying to watch this.”

..

They entered Hera’s room and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “My father approves of us.” She smiled with her hands pressed to his chest.

“So you did tell him about us.” Kanan smirked.

She made a face “Well, kind of…I told him that I love you and you love me. I didn’t tell him any details.” She blushed.

“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Kanan said nervously “I’d hope you wouldn’t actually. Imagine that conversation.” he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes “Although, I think he suspects we’re more than platonic with each other.”

“Oh?” Kanan tilted his head “Why do you say that?”

She shrugged “Oh, I don’t know. It could be that he asked about when he was going to get any grandchildren and practically started planning our wedding.”

“He did?” Kanan’s lopsided smile caused Hera to chuckle.

“Yes dear, I think my father is aware of our intimacy and still approves. So, you shouldn’t be so nervous around him.” She teased poking his chest.

He closed his hand around hers, holding it over his heart.

“If you say so.” He smiled and moved in closer.

...

They ended up cuddled on her bed, facing each other and laughing about the future.

“So, how's this gonna work? Are you going to be Hera Jarrus or am I going to be Kanan Syndulla?” he snickered.

She thought for a moment of whether she should say what was on her mind. “What about Hera Dume?”

She felt him flinch slightly. “Hera. That life doesn’t exist anymore.”

“But it does.” She insisted “You’re still you. Your name is Caleb Dume so why…” he placed fingers lightly over her lips.  

“No Hera. Caleb Dume died with his master the day she was shot down by the men that had defended her for so long.” Pain crossed his features and she shifted to kiss his forehead. "The boy I was back then was discarded in the trash, and I had to become someone else."

“If that’s what you want love.” She snuggled closer to him enjoying a comfortable silence between them.

“I should probably go.” He muttered at last, nuzzling the top of her head. “Before I fall asleep.”

She made a small noise of disappointment “I know.”

He looked at her lying beside him, her eyes closed in fatigue. “Or I could stay.” He smiled, kissing her cheek. “I could sleep in here and then in the morning I could walk out shirtless with my hair messed up. Then we wouldn’t have to fool the kids anymore.”

She laughed “Get out.” She forced her voice to be stern.

“Just a thought.” He murmured against her skin. “I don’t think they’re fooled by us anyway.”

She rolled away from him as much as she could on the small bed. “You know that’s not the only reason we sleep in different rooms.”

 “Yeah.” He scooted closer. “It’s so someone doesn’t get too attached to me. Can’t say I blame her though.” He grinned wickedly. “I am pretty hard to resist.”

Hera gave him a pointed look of indifference and shoved him away, nearly managing to push him off the side of the bunk.

“Woah!” he exclaimed “Are you trying to kill me?”

She laughed “Just go.”

He smiled and kissed her once more before leaving.

“Goodnight Hera.” He said once he was in the hallway.

She knew their game of pretend didn’t work on her crew for the most part, but she smiled at his efforts.

She took a deep breath, thinking of all that had happened to them. They were definitely at higher risk of getting into trouble than normal citizens, and they’d been in more life-threatening situations than she could count, but they had survived.

She sent out her hopes wishes and prayers that they would survive till they were free.

All of them.


	8. Lando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during and after Idiot's Array.

Lando had noticed the tension between them and opted to explore the ship rather than get sucked into the vortex of their dispute.

Hera had been quiet…too quiet. Kanan glanced at her, knowing full well he was in trouble. He’d been partially responsible for losing Chopper in a game of sabacc and now he was going to pay for it.

“Look… Lando said we could have Chopper back when the job is done.” He finally chimed in, unable to take the silence.

“But what if he hadn’t Kanan?!” He flinched at the fire in her voice. “What if he decided to keep Chop? What would you have done then?” she still refused to make eye contact with him. She didn’t want his puppy dog eyes to break her down.

“I know, I know. It was stupid, but I really thought…” he was cut off by her wrath.

“I don’t care how much you would’ve won, I don’t care what the odds were, Chopper is a member of this crew and he is NOT for betting!” She fumed.

“Yes, you’re right.” Kanan folded his arms tightly “I know how much he means to you and I shouldn’t have used him like that.”

Quiet…

Hera wasn’t extremely talkative to begin with, but this quiet was something he understood as her way to cope with the situation. She was mad, she had all right to be. If she opened her mouth now it could just result in more hurt on both ends, so she stayed silent. Letting him sweat and wait out her fury.

Which wasn’t pleasant.

By the end of their adventure with Calrissian Hera had calmed down a bit, but was still upset at the events that had transpired.

Lando Calrissian.

His was a name the crew of the Ghost could go without hearing for a while…some more than others.

One certain Jedi had followed their daring pilot into the cockpit to talk.

“If I had known what he was going to do…”

“Kanan, just let it go!” Hera bit out “It’s over and I’m back. You could have a little more faith in my abilities to escape from that vile…ugh… I don’t have any words good enough to call him.” She huffed.

He looked a little dejected. “Hera, I do have faith in you. I wouldn’t have left that ship if I didn’t.”

She sighed “Well, we’d better find a place to lay low for a while before trying that blockade again.” She wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything about their adventure further.

“I’m glad you’re still with us, captain. And that smuggler is gone.” Kanan put a bit of edge in his voice at the word smuggler.

Hera nodded curtly “Well, he wouldn’t have been with us in the first place if you hadn’t bet Chopper in that game.” Kanan could tell her mood was getting worse and wondered how he could turn it around.

“I said I was sorry didn’t I?” he defended.

“No. You didn’t actually.” She grumbled, finding a place to land hidden by a few rock formations.

“Well I’m sorry.” He admitted “It was my fault and it won’t happen again.”

“It better not.” She growled.

He sighed and left the cockpit.

 He knew when he was outmatched.

“Hey.” Zeb greeted him as he entered the common area. “Hera still mad?” The Lasat grimaced.

Kanan shrugged “I understand why, but I don’t know if we’re getting out of this one anytime soon.” He shook his head “She’s a little frustrated about the whole thing.”

“A little?” Ezra chimed from the bench “You lost Chopper to Lando then got her traded to that one guy, well I guess that was Lando’s fault, but you know what I mean.”

Kanan nodded at his padawan “Don’t remind me.”

Sabine took note of their conversation and slipped silently into the cockpit with Hera.

“So.” She said, closing the door behind her. “You gonna forgive them for this?”

Hera studied the young girl’s features as she flopped down in a chair. “Well, we did get Chopper back and some fuel. I guess that counts for something.” Hera grumbled.

Sabine hummed “Yeah, I’d say they’re pretty sorry about it, but you know how they feel about Chopper.” Sabine smirked at thoughts of Zeb and Ezra chasing Chopper through the ship and Kanan complaining about the little murder droid constantly.

Hera tilted her head “Oh I know they get annoyed at him, but they know Chopper helps us quite a bit. He’s saved us a few times. Even when it was just me and Kanan, he knew Chop could be counted on to get us out of trouble.”

There was a momentary pause between them before Sabine spoke again.

“Hey Hera?” her voice was a little tentative and Hera focused her full attention on the artist. “I was wondering…” Hera stayed quiet allowing the girl to form the words she was wanting to say. “When it was just you and Kanan… before we came along... I mean… Well Zeb was first, but I…”

Hera frowned “What is it Sabine? You know I’ll answer any question you have, so long as the answer is appropriate to tell you.”

Sabine looked away “Was it easier? Just you and him, and Chopper of course. Would you want it to be just you again?”

Hera’s forehead wrinkled in confusion “Sabine, what is this about?”

Sabine took a long slow breath “I’ve seen the way that you two work together and how close you are with each other. I’ve also seen how we all seem to cause trouble.” She paused “I just wondered if you’ve ever thought your crew was becoming too much to handle.”

Hera was not new to Sabine’s insecurities, but this was a new one. The tough Mandalorian shell would crack every now and then to let out the tender girl’s feelings beneath it.

“Sabine no!” Hera shifted and placed a hand on the girl’s arm. “I’m glad we found you when we did. This crew is never too much, or a bother.” She watched Sabine’s eyes flit around in uncertainty. “Sabine, you know you’re more than crew to Kanan and me right?”

The girl bit her lip hesitating before nodding “I know you’ve called us your kids before…” a small smile ticked at the corners of her mouth “So we’re like a family.”

Hera’s hand tightened on her arm “Yes Sabine, we’re family now and I wouldn’t wish that I never met you or that we hadn’t taken any of you in. It’s true that Kanan and I had an easier time avoiding eavesdroppers before Ezra, and my ship wasn’t as colorful before you, and it smelt better before Zeb, but the thing is, that’s what makes this all worth it.” Hera waited till Sabine’s gaze met hers “Each of you has left your mark here and I don’t think I can go back to the way it was. It wouldn’t feel right to be without you. You each needed us, and we needed you.”

Sabine smiled “Thank you Hera.”

Hera nodded “You’re welcome.” She paused withdrawing her hand “What brought this on anyway?”

Sabine blushed “Well, Lando mentioned that he could get my artwork featured in a gallery, which I don’t think I believe, but then again who knows his connections.” Hera rolled her eyes in agreement. “I was just thinking of what would happen if I decided to leave and strike out on my own, doing what I love.” She quickly added “I don’t want to leave of course! I want to keep fighting. Which is why I asked if you’d be happier without us.”

Hera brushed some of Sabine’s colorful hair from her face. “You are needed here Sabine. If you ever wanted to leave you could, but just know that I want you here.”

Sabine threw herself forward, surprising Hera with a hug. Hera hugged her back and laughed “Thank you Sabine, I feel much better now.”

Sabine pulled away and leaned back in her chair “Glad I could help.” Her smile took a turn for the wicked and she asked “So, I’m guessing Lando’s flirting didn’t make Kanan very happy.”

“Not at all.” Hera shook her head and fiddled with her gloves “It’s kinda nice though, to see he still gets jealous.” She glanced over at Sabine “If he weren’t jealous I’d be worried.”

Sabine smiled “He’ll never get over you Hera, you know that right?”

“Let’s hope not.” The pilot commented playfully.

“Ezra got jealous too.” Sabine said almost too quietly to be heard.

Hera pursed her lips “Well he does have quite the crush on you.” Hera snuck a glance at the girl’s face, hoping to read her. “I’m sure it’ll go away.”

Sabine’s expression, however, was like stone, not giving anything away. “Here’s hoping.” She muttered.

Before Hera could pry further, the cockpit door opened to reveal Zeb. “Hey Hera, I just wanted to apologize for earlier.” He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck “I didn’t mean…”

Hera held up her hand to halt his speech “Zeb.” Her tone was firm, but not threatening “I understand your reasons, but just remember next time that Chopper is one of us. He’s not for sale, trade, or bet. Understand?”

He nodded “Yeah, I get it. Sorry again.”

She smiled “I forgive you Zeb, but tell Kanan he’s not getting away with this that easily.”

As Zeb left, Hera winked at Sabine and the two women snickered softly.

“Now Sabine, what was that about Ezra?” Hera inquired.

“Oh, nothing.” The girl stood suddenly “I have a painting to finish anyway. Want me to send Kanan up here? Or to your room?”

Hera clicked her tongue to her teeth and frowned “Sabine…”

The girl laughed “I know, I know, you’re “just friends” and all that nonsense.” She huffed “I’ll see you later.”

Chopper entered as Sabine left. “Hey Chop.” Hera smiled “Good work getting that fuel today buddy.”

Ba ba bwah! Chopped grunted happily.

Hera gazed out at the landscape around them and then turned her attention to Chopper.

She looked over her childhood companion and knew that Kanan would never intentionally get rid of the droid. He’d suggested multiple times that they find a way to repair the logic circuits, but he never seriously suggested she leave Chop behind. She knew Kanan would never do anything to hurt her which meant looking after Chopper as part of the crew. Perhaps she had been a little harsh on him. Sabine’s inquiry about Lando’s flirting was the next issue that popped up in her mind. Kanan knew of her love for him, surely he wouldn’t think…

“Think you can watch things up here?” she asked the squat little droid while getting up from her pilot’s seat. Once he’d confirmed she made for the door. “Thanks Chop.”

She passed Zeb and Ezra retreating into their room, arguing about some rule in dejarik. She found Kanan sitting in the galley, shifting through a list of supplies they needed.

He looked up to see her enter “Oh, hey Hera.” She could tell he was still a little wary of her mood.

She came to a halt next to him crossing her arms over her chest “I was surprised at you today. You know exactly how much Chopper means to me and yet you risked him in a game.”

Her voice was quiet, but no less torturing to him. He turned to face her “Hera I…”

Reaching out a hand to cover his lips, she bent so they were eye level, her lekku falling forward over her shoulders.

“I know darling. I know what your intentions were, and that it won’t happen again.” She traced her fingers over his lips and cheek. “And I just want to assure you that Lando means nothing to me.”

He looked up at her surprised. “What?”

“Kanan I love you. No other man could ever change that. Especially one like him.” She straightened and he took her hands in his.

“I wasn’t worried.” He said nonchalantly. A raised eyebrow marking called his bluff. “Alright, I got a little angry at him for flirting with you. I just wanted him to keep his distance.”

She moved forward and sat down, straddling his lap. “Kanan, he’s a smooth talker, but may I remind you again how much your smooth talking worked on me when we met.”

He smiled lopsidedly “Oh come on, it had to have worked a little.”

She shook her head “Was I falling all over you? No, I was trying to get away from you.”

“Away from me? You couldn’t leave me alone.” He joked sarcastically. “You practically begged me to come with you.”

She rolled her eyes “Hmmm, well I guess we remember things quite differently. Don’t we dear?” She leaned in and rubbed her nose to his.

He tilted his head and kissed her softly. “I thought you said I wasn’t getting out of this so easy and yet here you are being all friendly.”

She smirked and pulled the tie from his hair, tangling her fingers in it. She kissed him again and worked her way to his ear to whisper. “You’ll have to make it up to me somehow.”

He groaned and pulled her harder against him. “I think I can do that.” He whispered back “Your bunk or mine?”

“Yours.” She continued attacking his skin with kisses.

He stood, Hera’s legs wrapping around his waist, and carried her to his room. Thankfully the others were in their cabins with the doors shut.  

He considered leaning her up against the hallway wall, but there was a risk of the others seeing them.  

He keyed open the door and entered, being sure to lock it behind them.

Tipping her onto the bunk he hovered over her trying to tease her and prolong their foreplay.

Hera had other ideas.

They weren’t often rough with each other, but they’d both been fired up by the feelings of their disaster of a day.

Her hands tangled in his hair as he nipped her neck. Having gotten most of their clothing off, he could trail rough kisses over her skin. She gave a soft cry as he bit down against her flesh.

“Shhh, you’ll wake the crew.” He taunted in a hushed tone.

She dug her nails into his back and he groaned. “Or you will.” She smirked

Trying to be quiet and rough wasn’t exactly easy, but somehow they managed not to get the others knocking at the door asking what was going on.

…

Kanan lay on his side clutching Hera to his chest as she traced patterns over his skin with her fingertips.

“How did I get so lucky?” he asked in a whisper. He stared down at her longingly “Please stay with me.”

She pressed her hand flat to his chest and tucked her head under his chin. “I’m not going anywhere Kanan. I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”

He smiled gripping her hip with his hand “I meant here tonight, but thank you for the reassurance.”

She snorted “You’re always so difficult.” She made to sit up, but he caught her in his grasp.

“I mean it Hera. Stay here tonight?” his arms encircled her and she gave in.

“Just this once.” She snuggled down against him. “But, I’m getting up early to go to my own room.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Understood, captain.”


	9. Moments

“So uh, Sabine…” Ezra combed a hand through his hair and leaned against her doorframe. “I was wondering if you’ve got some time.”

She glanced up from her sketchbook “For what?”

Ezra tried to act normal, but always ended up looking a little awkward. “To tell me about your art.” His shoulder slipped on the door and he jerked to recover his balance.

She continued looking at him, her cool gaze unchanging even though she was inwardly amused “Ok? What do you mean tell you about my art?”

He looked towards the ceiling to distract himself from being nervous “Well, remember back when Lando mentioned something about your art being similar to something and an influence of something…” he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. “Could you tell me what he meant?”

Sabine laughed “Yeah. I guess.” She smiled at the adorable kid standing before her. He seemed so innocent and yet, she knew that he’d been through hell, just like she had. Kids don’t often get normal lives in war.

Hera passed by Sabine’s cabin and did a quick double take.

It wasn’t unusual to see Ezra and Sabine being friends, but since when did she let him into her room? Sabine had always been very private and extremely closed off. To let someone into her space was rare.

Hera caught some of their conversation as she paused in the hallway, just out of sight. It seemed that Sabine was explaining her inspirations as an artist.

Hera smiled and continued to her destination. Entering Kanan’s room she found him in meditation and sat on the bunk, waiting for him to reconnect with her world. She often wondered and imagined what he must feel or experience when he was lost in the force or whatever he was doing. He’d explained it before, but she was still mystified by his and Ezra’s abilities every day.

After a few minutes he took a deep breath “Hera you’re overwhelming me again.”

She beamed “Yes, you told me I have that effect on you.”

He opened his eyes “What did you need darling?”

She patted the bunk as an invitation for him to sit with her.

“Hmm” he moved to her with a playful seductive look and leaned in close. “With the kids awake?”

She laughed and gently pushed him away, signaling that that wasn’t what she came to him for. “I just wanted to ask how training Ezra is going.”

He frowned “It’s harder than I thought.” She studied his features closely. The face she knew so well, and could read in a second, showed how conflicted he was. “He’s progressing, slowly, but he doesn’t focus.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how.” Hera mused. “He’s grown up having to be aware of everything around him. What if he’s trying to, but can’t” She hummed “You shouldn’t be so hard on him, or yourself for that matter.”

“Hard on myself?” he asked turning to face her “Hera, this is life and death. If I don’t train him properly…” He stopped. His master had been far better trained than he ever had been and she still…

“Kanan” Hera’s sweet voice pulled him back. “Are you alright?”

He nodded “Yeah. I just wish that I’d had more time with Master Billaba.”

She reached out and took his hands in hers, feeling the quiet strength that he always had. “Well, now is your time to be with Ezra. I know you’re a great teacher to him, he looks up to you and he’ll get a hang of the force eventually. Just be patient with him.”

Kanan smirked at her “You always know what to say don’t you?”

She shrugged tilting her head “I just know you, love.”

He smiled and stood from the bunk. “I guess I better go get him to practice something then.”

He took a step towards the door but Hera caught his hand “Wait!”

He turned in surprise “What’s wrong?”

“I think Sabine and Ezra are having a bonding moment.” Hera confessed. “I don’t think he’d appreciate you if you interrupted them.” She looked up at him, watching confusion and then realization dawn on his face.

“Wait.” He quickly slid back into the bunk beside her, looking like a giddy school kid, keen on gossip. “When you mean bonding do you mean bonding or _bonding_?” at the second inference he motioned between them, as if suggesting their relationship might be mirrored by the younger pair.

She shook her head “No, Sabine sees him as a child. So I don’t think _this_ …” she mirrored his action. “Will be a problem.”

Kanan sighed in relief. “Good, it’s already hard enough to get him to focus.”

Hera put on an innocent face “Kanan dear, are you saying I make it hard for you to focus?” she played coyly.

“Mmm you know you do.” He suddenly sprang forward tackling her to the bunk and kissing all around her face. “Oh no! I can’t focus on one part of you Hera, I’ll just have to kiss you everywhere.” He teased.

She giggled and tried to swat him away.

A sudden knock at his cabin door stopped their playfulness.

“Hey Kanan.” It was Ezra “When are you going to teach me that meditation thing?”

Hera made a face up at him “Yeah Kanan. You need to focus.” She whispered.

“Right after you teach the kid about interrupting moments.” He whispered back. “I’ll meet you outside in a minute!” he called to Ezra. “Start practicing what I taught you yesterday.”

“Ok.” Ezra’s footsteps retreated from the door and Kanan looked back down at Hera. “How long do you think we have till he comes back?” he asked suggestively raising his eyebrows.

She wriggled out of his grip to stand before him “Oh no you don’t. You’re going to go teach him right now.”

He pouted at her in jest and she rolled her eyes.

“What am I going to do with you?” She questioned, placing firm hands on her hips.

He laughed and stood, kissing her swiftly “I don’t know. What are you going to do with me?” his voice was low and husky.

“Enough flirting Kanan, or you might not get another moment anytime soon.” She mocked in a sing song tone.

“Yes Ma’am” He moved to the door in haste and saluted while winking impishly.

When he was gone and she chuckled to herself. “How did I ever fall for that one?”


	10. Lost sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan is back from Malachor

Hera bit her lip and swallowed a gasp in her throat when she first saw the damage. She didn’t want Kanan to know how bad things really looked. The medic on base had tried the best they could to heal the wounds around Kanan’s eyes, but there wasn’t much that could be done. Lightsabers left cauterized tracks in anything they struck. Hera longed to remove the bandages and find it all had been a dream and that his eyes were fine.

Gently reaching out to his cheek, she graced her fingertips across his skin.  Her heart was broken for their losses, but she was relieved to have him and Ezra back alive.

 It was late at night and he was sitting on his bunk when she had come to see how he was feeling. Reaching out, his hands made contact with her and felt their way to her waist, pulling her closer. She stood between his legs and he laid his head against her. Her hands moved to hold him close, one stroking his hair.

“Kanan.” Her heart clenched. “What are we going to do?”

His answer was simple. “We’re going to move forward.” He sounded so sure, but her mind was still full of doubt. Yes he was a Jedi, but that didn’t mean he was immortal. Now he would be even more vulnerable, and what about Ezra? What about his training? Now Ahsoka was gone, what would happen to their network?

All her worries seemed to compact together into a hard lump in her throat. He didn’t help at all with his next statement.

“I can learn to manage this. I’ll be fine Hera.” He paused “I’ll miss seeing your beautiful face every time I come home though.” He smirked to himself “But that’s alright. It wasn’t your looks I fell for in the first place anyway, it was your voice. So I’d say we’re still good.”

“Oh Kanan.” A strangled sob escaped her lips and tears fell down her cheeks.

“Hera are you crying?” Some of her teardrops must’ve hit his skin and he lifted his face as though he was able to see her. One hand traced up her arm to her shoulder, and as it reached her face, feeling the wet trails there, she lost it.

Collapsing to her knees, sobs wracking her form, she cried like she hadn’t in a long time.

“Hera!” His hands were fumbling over her again and trying to lift her up. He managed to pull her into his lap holding her against his chest, her head on his shoulder. “Hera it’ll be ok, really.”

He rocked her gently as she clung to him. “I’m sorry.” She whispered when her crying had subsided. “I should be strong for you.”

He slid a hand up to her face and wiped away remaining tears before kissing her cheek softly. “You are strong” Drifting his lips over her skin he found her own and pressed a kiss there. She kissed back before clinging tightly to him again.

“Right now it doesn’t feel like it.” She admitted.

He nuzzled against her. “Just promise me one thing.”

“What is it?” she asked nervously.

“Promise me that this won’t stop your work with the rebellion.” When she remained silent he added “I might be dependent on others for a while, but you should go and do what you need to do. Don’t feel like you need to stay behind and baby me.”

She smiled at his selflessness, knowing that he understood how important this cause was to her. “Now, when have I ever babied you Kanan?”

A grin split his features “That’s my captain.”

Eyebrow markings knit as she felt like crying again.

“Hera?” He must’ve sensed her emotional response.

“I’m alright Kanan.” She assured, placing a kiss to his forehead. “But what do you say to my spending the night here?”

“Miss me that much?” He teased.

She hummed “More like I want to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t walk into the walls.”

He chuckled “If you insist, captain.”

She stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Stay here, I’ll just change and be right back.”

“I’m not going to run away Hera.” He smirked, taking her hand in his and kissing her palm. “But I could help you out of those clothes if you want.”

She rolled her eyes “I’ll be right back.” She emphasized.

Quickly changing, she went back to him to see he was already stretched out in the bunk seemingly asleep.

She approached slowly and slid in next to him, realizing he was awake as his arm reached out and swept her closer, pulling her tight against his chest.

“I love you Hera.” He whispered.

She snuggled into him, closing her eyes “I love you too Kanan. I'm glad you're back.”


	11. Talks and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after Hera and Sabine go to the asteroid belt and almost get eaten!

Kanan knew something was wrong when Hera joined him in his bunk late at night. They usually slept separate and she hardly ever woke him for unimportant reasons.

“What is it?” he asked, a spark of dread rising in his throat.

She pressed herself against him and mumbled “Am I doing the right thing?”

“With what hon?” he slipped his arm around her and shifted their position.

“With Sabine.” She sighed against him “I know how she must feel. She’s not secure unless she has all the information. You know following blindly isn’t one of her favorite things.”

Hera and Sabine had gone on a supply run and ended up almost being eaten by fyrnocks. Kanan knew that Sabine had only gone so that she would learn more about their contact, but had come up empty handed in the end.

“She’s a smart girl. She trusts you.” He consoled, rubbing circles on her shoulder.

“She trusts me for the most part.” She corrected. “But Sabine thinks I don’t trust her because I won’t freely share sensitive information with her.” She leaned her chin against his chest. “She doesn’t understand that the less she knows, the safer she is and the safer the others are. I try to tell her that, but she rejects it and claims that she can take care of herself.”

Kanan knew Hera was right “Yeah, but she has to understand that this isn’t about her. Give her some time, maybe she’ll see what you’re trying to do.”

“I hope so.” Hera mumbled.

They were both silent for a while, pouring over their individual thoughts.

He lowered his head to be nearer to her. “I could’ve lost you both today.”

She gently pressed closer to him “Don’t think about it love.”

He huffed “So every time something dangerous happens to the crew I just don’t think about it? That’ll fix everything, thanks Hera!”

She smiled at his sarcasm “Kanan.” She softly warned “I’m just saying that we made it back alright and you can’t change what happened.”

He kissed the top of her head “I know. I just care what happens to all of you.”

She pushed back tilting her face up to look at him. “I know you care, but remember love, if it came down to it, you’d have to let go. You always promised you could.” She thought back on their solemn discussions on nights in the beginning of their somewhat relationship, that he as a Jedi had been taught to hold no attachment.

 She was also willing to stay unattached.

Hera had always thought of the rebellion as her destiny and a daring young love interest wasn’t going to change that. She had things to focus on other than him and he had things to do other than spend time with her. This had especially been true now that he was training Ezra. Hera didn’t mind at all that more and more of Kanan’s time was being poured into the young apprentice. In fact, she was kind of glad that she could focus more on planning against the Empire and let herself drift into the work she’d started on her own.

She remembered when they had decided to call Kanan their leader. Another ruse to fool the Empire. Hera was always the one that knew everything. She knew the details of the rebellion and of her contacts. He was a decoy, and it pained Hera to lie to her crew, but she had to instill faith in Sabine that they were being led by a greater cause. They had agreed at the beginning that no one would know she was really the one in charge. Telling Sabine that it was Kanan that had the larger plan was a way to distract the young girl from her fixation on dragging information from Hera.

Hera frowned at the thought of earlier that day and how upset Sabine had been. Hera knew full well the girl might have troubles with their arrangement, but she’d never been so adamant before.

“You’re thinking about it again aren’t you?” Kanan muttered “About how Sabine’s been acting?”

She sighed “Could you stop reading my mind for once, oh powerful Jedi?”

He huffed “If could read your mind like that, believe me, I would. Imagine how much trouble I could avoid.”

She smirked “Or how much you could start.”

He drifted a hand down one of her lekku “What kind of trouble would you like me to start?”

She rolled her eyes “Actually, I would like you to stop some trouble if you can.” She hesitated “I think Sabine needs to be reassured of her place here, and of her value to the crew. If you could…”

“Hera.” He interrupted “I know you think I’m magical and can solve all problems, but she’ll listen to you more than me.”

His humor did nothing to help her “Kanan please.”

Realizing her seriousness he conceded “Alright, I’ll talk to her, don’t worry.”

After a moment of silence she decided a bit of levity wasn’t beyond her. “As for you being magical…” she shrugged “I don’t know if I’d call it quite that.”

“Hey now.” He jostled her lightly “I saw the look on your face the first time you saw me use the force.”

She laughed “I was surprised Kanan. I thought all the Jedi were dead, so of course I was shocked to see one alive.”

“Hmm I think it was more than that.” He taunted. “It obviously won me a spot next to you.”

She clicked her tongue to her teeth, “If that were the reason, I would’ve invited you on to my ship that night.”

“You did invite me.” he grinned.

“After you begged me.” She teasingly poked at his chest. “The magical Jedi Kanan Jarrus begged me to let him tag along as a crew mate.”

“Yeah, but you did let me come with you.” He winked.

She shook her head and buried her face in his neck, hooking a leg over his hips. “And I should’ve known better than to let a trouble maker aboard.”

“Oh, but you love my brand of trouble making.” He tucked a hand under her thigh.

“Remind me again why I didn’t kick you off the ship before?” she provoked smugly.

“I think it was because you wanted a piece of this.” He wiggled his hips and she laughed.

“Oh love, do you know how wrong you are?” she smirked.

“Well, ok, maybe you only thought I was cute at first, but eventually you were all over me.” He insisted.

She giggled. “Oh really? Care to share an example?”

He hummed “Too many.”

She laughed again “I need specifics Kanan, because I don’t remember being the initiator that often.”

“Then you probably need to get your memory checked, Hera.” he teased before pausing to think. “There was that one time, back when it was just us on the Ghost that I started talking sweet and you switched off Chopper and jumped in my lap right there in the cockpit.”

She rolled her eyes “Yeah, but you weren’t sweet talking, you were dirty talking.” She corrected. “So technically you started it.”

“No I wasn’t.” he protested. “I said you piloted your ship well and I was honored to be part of your crew.”

She scowled “And then you said you’d like to pilot your ship into my hyperspace lane if you know what I mean.” She mocked his phrasing.

He laughed “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.” He grinned blushing. “All I remember was you going for Chopper’s power button and climbing all over me.”

“Yeah well, I was young back then.” She snuggled into his chest.

“You’re still young Hera.” He chuckled “But the kids don’t have off switches.”

She smiled “Unfortunately not.”


	12. Maul in Her Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during "The Holocrons of Fate" What did Maul see in Hera's mind? What did she do about it?

Maul was aboard her ship.

 She had been forced into compliance and hated it, with every fiber of her being.

“Ah yes. This is it.” Maul sneered.

 He had forced her to show him her ship. She knew what he was looking for.

 “A dull and dour chamber." He noted. "These are the quarters of a Jedi.” He glanced around before turning his attention back to her. “Show me where he keeps the holocron.”

She fell back on the plan she and Kanan had made for situations like this. “I don’t know anything about him.” She lied. If anything were to happen, and one of them was captured, they were to act like crewmates and colleagues, not lovers.

“That’s not true.” His malicious voice caused her to be set even more on edge. “You know all about Kanan Jarrus. Or should I use his real name?”

No.

“Caleb Dume.” He whispered.

No!

Panic flooded through her. This monster knew who Kanan really was? How?

The Zabrak raised a hand between them nearly touching her face.

An overwhelming fear took hold as she tried to fight him.

But how do you fight something that can invade the very thoughts you hold secret? Pain flooded through her senses as he dug into her.

She felt as though his very essence was overshadowing her. Feelings of dread, hate, and her own powerlessness overtook her. Visions of her own memories flashed through her mind.

Her childhood, the night she met Kanan, their missions together, even their intimate times weren’t spared from his prying.

She felt personally violated as he saw how she had loved her Jedi. Naked walls of flesh colliding together in ecstasy was not an experience she wanted to give to anyone, except Kanan.

Now this creature had forced his way in and seen it, he’d felt it through her mind.

She struggled against him, her body going cold as visions continued to surface. There was Ezra, just a child, scrappy and alone when they’d found him. A vision of herself cuddling up to Kanan, convincing him to let the kid stay aboard their crew flashed by.

“Yes, it was your idea to recruit the apprentice.” Maul breathed.

Memories of her ship and how Ezra had found the holocron entered her mind. NO! She couldn’t fight anymore.

 “And it was from here that the boy found…” he finally released her.

There was no way to stop him, and this was all her fault.

“No, he stole the holocron.” Maul let out a sinister laugh as he extracted the Jedi artifact from its hiding place. “That wasn’t so difficult, was it?”

She had to turn away. There was no way this was real…had that really just happened?

This was all her fault… If she had just stayed a captain to Kanan and nothing more she wouldn’t have known about the holocron, Maul wouldn’t have seen where it was kept because she wouldn’t have seen it. If she hadn’t acted on her feelings of love for Kanan, Maul wouldn’t have violated her private moments with him and she wouldn’t feel like this. She felt guilt flood through her at ever getting close to Kanan and knowing where he kept the holocron.

Now she had put him and Ezra at risk. Who knows what Maul had planned for them?

He chuckled darkly moving close to her. “My, my, how the Jedi has fallen.” His voice was amused and far too near to her. “It seems Caleb Dume has found himself some forbidden fruit.” Maul reached out and slid fingers down one of her lekku.

She jolted away from him. “Stop.”

He sneered a dark smile “You are quite the prize to him aren’t you? I see I chose the right bait to draw him in.” he cackled again. “I’ll be sure to keep you safe for him. He’s obviously become quite attached to you.”

She had to leave the room. She couldn’t be near the vile being any longer.

Returning to her crew, they were silent as she sat down again. “He found it.” Was all she could manage to say.

“It’s alright Hera.” Sabine placed her shackled hands on Hera’s arm.

“Yeah.” Zeb added. “Kanan and Ezra are on their way. They’ll deal with him.” He growled.

She knew he was trying to be optimistic, but the heavy weight she felt wouldn’t leave her. It was as if it dragged down her entire soul.

Her fault…this was all her fault…

She tried to dispel it. Tried to think positively.

She was snapped out of her misery by Maul’s yells.

He couldn’t open the holocron.

That was the one spark of hope she clung to, to be able to act.

...

Their attempt to defeat him hadn’t worked, and again she felt at fault. Her crew was going to die, she was going to die…all because she’d fallen for a Jedi and selfishly gotten involved.

She felt like crying, but the depression was so heavy that she couldn’t. Where are you Kanan? Ezra?

She heard the guard droids converge on them and closed her eyes. She hoped they killed them quickly. She didn’t want her crew to suffer.

Then, a sound that would normally inspire fear in their enemies, inspired joy in her. A lightsaber being activated. She couldn’t keep a smile off her face and ducked as the blade swiped through their captor droids. Kanan released their bonds and she rushed to him. He was alive, he was here, and she felt his presence break through her gloom like a lighthouse in a storm.

She had him back, but what about the boy they’d taken in? “Where’s Ezra?”

“With Maul.” Kanan lead them to him and they eventually had him back as well. They got aboard the ship and cleared out the mess of destroyed droids.

Hera entered the cockpit and ran diagnostics, just in case Maul had done something to her ship.

She caught herself staring out the view port in anger, recalling what Maul had done to her.

“Hera?” It was Kanan.

She looked to him, catching sight of the mask he wore. Another reminder of Maul…

She looked away bowing her head. “I’m here Kanan.” She knew he could probably sense her, but she answered to be polite.

He moved forward and sat down in the copilot seat. “Are you alright?”

She should be asking him that. “Yes Kanan, I’m fine.” Her clipped tone wasn’t even convincing to herself.

“Ezra should be fine.” He said. “I told him to take some time to meditate on what he’d seen.” She continued to glare out the window away from him, glad for once that he couldn’t see her. “Hera?”

She sighed. The downside of having a Jedi as your lover is that they knew your emotions. “I just need some time Kanan.” She confessed. “A lot happened today. To all of us.”

He nodded “Yeah. I got shoved out an airlock. That was fun.”

“What?!” her eyes went wide and she turned to him.

“Maul tried to get rid of me. I doubt Maul would’ve wanted to waste time on a battle and get Ezra to rebel against him, so that’s why he shoved me out into space.” He said it so nonchalantly, she was amazed at him. “But I got back in and that’s how I was able to get to you in time.” He smirked. “Good thing too.”

She shook her head. He had nearly died, they had all nearly been killed today…

This thought led her back to her guilty reflections from earlier. Would this all have happened if she wasn’t romantically involved with Kanan?”

Eventually it settled itself in her mind. Maul would have done anything to get what he wanted. It really didn’t matter what her relationship was to the Jedi sitting next to her.

“Kanan.” She longed to look into his eyes again, to see his reassuring gaze holding hers.

“I’m here Hera.” His voice was soft and she imagined he knew her tumult of feelings at this moment.

There was a bleep at the console and she turned to it. The Ghost was ready to fly, fully functional. She started the takeoff cycle and breathed “Let’s get out of here.”

He agreed and she piloted them away from the abandoned base.

Once in hyperspace, on their way to base, she checked on her crew. Ezra was still meditating presumably, Zeb and Sabine were in the galley with a bottle between them. Sabine tried to duck her glass out of view. She knew how upset Hera got at people drinking on her ship. This time however Hera moved forward and plucked up the glass, swilling it down.

Shutting her eyes she groaned and placed the cup back down “How can you drink that stuff?” She smiled at their shocked expressions. “It’s been a long day.”

Zeb grinned, raising his own cup at her in offering. “Sure has.”

She shook her head and turned to leave “Get some rest when you can you guys. I left Chopper in the cockpit, I’m going to try and sleep.”

They affirmed and she left.

…

She was dressed for sleep, she was in her bunk, but there was no way she could even close her eyes. Not without seeing the haunting form of Maul before her. She wanted to scream, wanted to smash something, wanted to tear apart her own mind and scrub his image from it.

Hot tears fell from the corners of her eyes and she covered her face with her pillow, biting down hard.

The intrusion into her mind had crossed so many of her barriers, and she had felt like she had betrayed so many trusts that were placed in her.

Her lekku were tense and her fists white knuckled in her pillow. Pulling it away from her mouth she took a deep breath, sitting up. She needed Kanan. Slipping off her bunk she froze near her door. Going to see him meant going back into that room.

She took a step back. In her heart she pined for Kanan’s comforting presence. She fell to her knees weakened by her struggles and feeling the depression sweep over her again. She tried to focus on good feelings and focus on Kanan. He was the only one that could calm her down right now. He would come to her if he felt her distress right?

She honestly didn’t expect it to work, but a minute later he was entering her room. She heard the door shut and lock.

“Hera?” he stepped forward.

“Kanan.” She whispered as he knelt before her.

“What is it Hera?” his mask had been removed and she could clearly see the scars that Maul had inflicted. Now she had her own scars.

Invisible scars, but still, it was something they now had in common.

"I don't know how to get rid of this feeling." she knitted her fingers into his shirt. "It feels like I'm being pressed into the floor. It's so dark Kanan."

He reached out to her and reassured her "It will fade Hera. The dark side has a way of tearing down everyone, Jedi or not, it has an effect on all things it touches." his thumb worked circles firmly as he continued. "Maul has some...strange capabilities. I wouldn't be surprised if this is something he did."

She clung to his hand as a warm comfort against her arm and she spoke “Kanan? Can you read people’s minds?”

His eyebrows knit together. “What do you mean?”

“Using your Jedi abilities, can you enter someone’s mind and see their memories?” she needed to know if this was unusual for someone to do. Could Kanan have done that to her?

“Well, that depends.” He hesitated.

“Kanan I need you to tell me. Could you reach into my mind and see my memories right now?” His hand tightened on her upper arm.

“What happened Hera?” His pale eyes opened for a second as if testing their vision.

Her mouth opened and she struggled to speak. “Maul…He…” she took a shuddering breath “Kanan, he saw where your holocron was kept. He saw where we found Ezra and…” she wanted to swallow the words but they fled her lips before she could catch them. “He knew your name! He called you Caleb Dume. He saw us. He saw everything.” She sobbed. “He was in my mind Kanan.”

He reached out and pulled her fiercely against him. “Hera, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. If I had told him where it was…”

She shook her head “No Kanan it’s my fault too. If I hadn’t known anything about you…if something like this happens again...”

His arms loosened “Are you saying you’d give up what we’ve become?” his mouth was set in a hard line. “Do you want me and Ezra to leave?”

She saw logically how that would be the best option, and knew they had tried it before, but her heart rejected it. “No. What’s done is done Kanan. Things can’t be forgotten that easily.”

He sighed in relief and stood, pulling her to her feet and holding her tightly once more. “You scared me Hera.” There was a smile in his voice and she clung to the feeling of him being happy with her.

He slacked his grip enough to kiss her. “Have you been drinking?” he asked in surprise at tasting her lips.

She laughed “Only a little. Zeb has some.”

He shook his head “I thought you outlawed drinking on your ship.”

She smiled “I did. When I was letting a drunkard aboard my ship.”

His mouth turned upward “Hey, whatever I was before, is different now. Because of you.” He kissed her softly. “But you do taste really good.”

She smacked him playfully. He ignored it and joined their lips again coaxing her mouth open. She hummed into his kiss as he pressed her harder to his body.

 He broke his mouth from hers and peppered kisses over her face. His hands found her waist and one slid up her stomach taking her shirt with it. With more flesh bared to his touch she suddenly felt very exposed.

Maul had seen them like this. He’d taken her most intimate secrets from her and she felt as though he was still taunting her.

As Kanan’s other hand swept down her lek she felt a different touch.

She stepped away from him, pulling her shirt back in place.

“What’s wrong Hera?” He reached out towards her, not quite touching her.

“Kanan, Maul saw us like this. He knows everything.” She cried and grimaced at her lack of ability to describe what she felt. Tears flowed faster as she recalled the feeling of having that dark force prying into her feelings and mind.

“He must’ve gotten quite the show then. I hope he saw how intimidating I look naked.” Kanan smirked.

All of a sudden she was laughing. She felt her lungs quiver as they were confused between crying and laughing.

He stepped forward and held her again. “Don’t worry Hera, I’ll do whatever you need to fix this. If you need time I’ll wait.”

She smiled at the man she loved, as she was standing safe in his arms.

She knew she was the luckiest woman in the galaxy, and that he would be the only one able to set her at ease after the malicious rape of her mind.

“Whatever you want right now Hera.” He mumbled low across her forehead as he placed a kiss there.

She took a breath in, feeling happiness spread through her. “Let’s make new memories Kanan. Ones he hasn’t seen.”

A smile formed on his lips and he took her face in his hands. “I can help with that.”

He was true to his word. If she needed to stop, he would.

Hera vowed never to regret her choice to love him ever again. She knew whatever storms came, they could weather it.

Together.


	13. Teenage Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Kanan have some fun, but are always loving space parents. A companion piece to my Drabbles of Sabine Wren chapters 12 and 13. You don't need to read those chapters to understand, but they can give more context to Ezra's problem.

 

 

Ezra and Zeb had left earlier with Chopper, saying something about checking security cameras on base. Hera drifted down the hallway of her ship and found Sabine sitting in her room, putting on makeup. There must be some event happening tonight for her to be getting prettied up so late. Then again, Sabine was always a work of art. 

“Why not?” she heard the young girl say out loud.

“Why not what?” Hera answered, knowing the question really wasn’t aimed at her.

Sabine turned to her and launched into frantic questions. “Why shouldn’t I have a boyfriend? Why shouldn’t I go out with Wedge and let him kiss me tonight? I could have some fun, couldn’t I?”

Hera felt her eyes widen and her jaw drop. “Woah, woah. What?” Hera entered her room and shut the door behind her, affording them some privacy, before slipping into the seat across from Sabine. “What’s this about Wedge?” Did Sabine have feelings for him?

Sabine threw her eyeliner down on the table in frustration. “Wedge asked me to go with him to the gathering tonight, and then Sella told me that I should give him a chance because what if he’s the best thing I’ll ever have, but I don’t think I even need a boyfriend, but at the same time I kinda wanna know what it’s like, but then I think about Ezra and I can’t cross that bridge without burning the way back, but I mean he’s really, really been getting to me lately and I don’t mind him so much anymore, but Wedge is a good guy and obviously I could-”

“Sabine.” Hera had to interrupt her spewing of information. The poor girl was rambling. She’d only seen Sabine ramble a few times before and it usually meant her nerves were overtaxed. “Take a breath.” She told her. 

Sabine breathed in slowly and released it.

“Good.” Hera looked at her seriously. She’d caught a bit of the rant, but just to be sure she asked, “Now tell me if I got this right. You’re going on a date with Wedge tonight and you’re not sure if you want to start a relationship with him?”  Sabine nodded.“And you keep thinking about Ezra, but you feel like being with him would ruin the friendship you have now?”

Since when was Sabine interested in Wedge? Hera felt a little disconnected. She’d watched Sabine battle herself over Ezra for a while, but Wedge?

“Yes.” Sabine said, fidgeting with her makeup on the tabletop.

Hera recognized that the young Mandalorian was once again at war with herself. Most people only saw the tough warrior attitude and colorful exterior that she presented. 

But Hera wasn’t most people. 

Living in close quarters with her for so long, and being a woman herself, gave her a better understanding of the real Sabine. 

Hera smiled warmly and placed her hand over Sabine’s, ceasing its movement. Physically touching Sabine would guarantee you had her attention. “It’s ok Sabine. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel completely comfortable with.” Hera couldn’t help but worry about the girl sitting before her. “If you don’t want a boyfriend don’t have one. If you think you want to keep your relationship with Ezra where it is then that’s fine. You do whatever you need to do.”

“But Hera, what do I want to do?” Sabine looked at her pleadingly. 

Shaking her head she patted Sabine’s hand. “I can’t tell you that. Only you can tell you that.” Sabine looked away crestfallen. As much as she wanted to tell her to avoid boys all together and that they were nothing but trouble, Hera knew that eventually Sabine would find someone to look after her. Or for her to look after, she was a strong girl. “I’ll tell you what.” Hera shifted in the seat “Tell me all the pros and cons of the situation and we’ll narrow down what you think.”

“Ok.” Sabine took a deep breath. “Pros…” she paused for a moment. “I think Wedge is a good guy.”

Well this was going to be faster than she thought. “Is that all?” Hera goaded.

“He’s a good friend and he’s kinda cute. We have things in common. I wouldn’t mind having a boyfriend.” The girl shrugged.

Well that was certainly unexpected, but Hera could sympathise with the feeling of being wanted. Sabine had to be careful though not to let that feeling rule her actions. “Have a boyfriend or have him as a boyfriend?” Hera scrutinized. “You don’t need to rush into anything and certainly don’t do anything just because. If I had done stuff with Kanan just because I wanted to and we didn’t build that bond between us first, I don’t think I’d have kept him around.” If she had slept with Kanan the first time he’d made her heart flutter, she’d have probably ditched him on some far away planet. Sabine looked at her in surprise. “Now.” On to the next problematic boy. “I think you have a great bond with Ezra right now, but I know exactly how nerve-wracking it is to take a platonic relationship and push it over the edge. It was the right time for Kanan and I to change our physical relationship when we did, but you need to know that if that decision is made for selfish reasons at the wrong time…” she frowned thinking about how delicate the situation could get. “I just don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

“And that’s what scares me Hera.” Sabine blurted out. “I feel like at least with Wedge I won’t have to worry about it. I’ll see him a lot on base yes, but he doesn’t live across the hall from me.”

Hera chuckled. Well, the girl did have a point. Hera was sure if Kanan were here he would discourage any sort of frivolous flings. Hera knew she wasn’t Sabine’s mother, and that Kanan wasn’t Sabine’s father, but they took it upon themselves to watch over her and discuss the girl’s successes and failures as real parents would. Hera knew Sabine was too independent to think she’d need them to be her parents, but Hera made herself available as a confidant and nurturer for her all the same.“I know. Be careful though not to jump into something because of outside pressure.”

She nodded “Yeah. I’ll remember.”

“Are there any cons to going out with Wedge?” Hera asked.

“Well, I don’t really know him that well, but I guess that would change. I don’t think I like him quite that much. He hangs out with those annoying guys. And he doesn’t live across the hall from me.” She grinned at the last one, and Hera laughed.

“Well then.” She removed her hand from Sabine’s “You’re still young Sabine and we don’t know how long this war will last. So be aware of your feelings and be yourself, ok?” As much as she’d like to tell her what to do, she knew she couldn’t.

Sabine nodded “Thanks Hera.” 

She went back to looking in her mirror and Hera stood “Have fun tonight.” She encouraged the younger girl.

“You too.” Sabine murmured in a sing song voice.

When Sabine left, she and Kanan would be the only ones on the ship, so naturally Sabine would assume... “What was that?” Hera asked smiling. The girl really was too cheeky. “Maybe I should assign you to cleaning duty for a week.”

Sabine laughed “If you do I’ll paint your room.”

Hera made her way to the door. She wasn’t going to mess with that threat. “See you tomorrow.”

Hera shook her head and sighed. Having teenage children was worrisome. Hormones, and attitude, and love interests… Well, Ezra only focused on Sabine, and Sabine was somewhat of an I don’t care about boys kind, until now. Maybe the girl had finally hit her limit of wanting to be alone. Sabine’s feelings for Ezra had been growing whether she knew it or not, Hera could see that. But now it seemed there was a new player on the field. Hera just hoped that meant good things for Sabine and not heartbreak. 

She honestly thought that Sabine and Ezra would just realize one day that they couldn’t live without each other and Zeb would have his own room again. But Sabine was very slow on the uptake and Hera found she was glad. Having a romantic relationship with someone could cloud your view of them, sway your priorities, or lead to petty disagreements. 

She had her odds with Kanan, but she certainly wasn’t going to let that keep her from her duties. 

She heard Sabine leave her room and head down to exit the ship. 

Maybe she could have a little fun tonight like the girl had thought she would. 

Approaching Kanan’s door she knocked lightly. 

“Come in.” he called serenely. 

She knocked again. 

“Come in.” he called louder this time.

She knocked once more.

“Chopper I swear if that’s you..” he sounded a little agitated at this point.

She knocked again.

She could hear him groan and moving toward the door. 

She knocked again just for good measure.

The door opened “What?” he asked moodily.

Hera smiled to herself “You wanna take some of that frustration out on me?” She let a sultry edge into her voice and watched his eyebrows rise in surprise. A smile curled his lips. 

“Well in that case.” he moved to pull her into his room, but she stepped away. 

“Come get me Jedi.” she teased backing against the door to her quarters. With her back to the door he loomed closer and pinned her to it. His beard rubbed lightly against her skin as he dropped kisses all over her face. 

He pulled her away from the door and palmed it open. 

Advancing into her room their need became frantic. He picked her up and perched her on her work station shoving things out of the way. She pulled at his shirt while he went for the fasteners on her flight suit. 

Kisses and hands roaming over skin were only delayed a few times to discard clothing. 

Latching his mouth over a spot on one of her lekku she could feel him starting to tongue the area. She pulled away swiftly with a moan of displeasure. “Kanan. Not where they can see!”

He chuckled and growled low near her earcone “What if I don’t know where it is they can’t see?” He moved his lips to her pulse point and nipped. 

She gasped “Kanan!” giggling she forced his head lower. “You know perfectly well where you’re allowed to do that.”

Leaving marks or love-bites on her skin wasn’t an often occurance recently, but it was reminiscent of their first days as lovers. He used to leave a mark just over her heart. A token, ‘to remember him by’ he would tell her. 

It had worked.

Kanan Jarrus certainly knew how to occupy the minds of women and he’d proved that with her. Every time she dressed and undressed, every time she’d shower, every time she’d catch sight of her bare figure in the mirror afterwards, every time she would feel the slight throb of it healing, every time it faded from her skin, she would think of him. Images of his mouth placed over the spot and all the actions either before or after would flood through her mind leaving her craving more. 

She’d outlawed marks for a while, but found she’d miss seeing the proof of his love on her skin. 

His lips caught at the base of her neck where her clothing would hide and began to suckle there.

She let him leave a mark before pulling his face up and kissing him fiercely.  

Her fire was quickly reciprocated and he made good work of pleasing her. 

...

Eventually they had cooled the inferno between them. “Are we trying to break our record?” he panted next to her. 

She chuckled “I forget how many times in one night our record is.”

He kissed her shoulder. “No. You know exactly what our record is.”

She giggled and snaked closer to him. “So what if I am trying to beat it?”

“I won’t tell you no.” he grinned. “Just give me a minute.”

She propped up on her elbow trailing fingers down his chest. “Getting a little old for this kind of thing, love?” she taunted.

He hummed “More like out of practice.”

It had been a while since their last session. “Alright.” she pulled a lek out of the way before laying on her back next to him. Bunks were a tight fit, but they made it work. “Let’s talk instead.” 

“What do you want to talk about?” he questioned, shifting over to give her more room. 

“Sabine.” she told him briefly.

“Well that’s not gonna help you beat our record.” he quipped.

She smacked him playfully and explained “She’s got a date tonight with Wedge.”

He scoffed “What? The pilot she pulled out of Skystrike?” he said in disbelief. There was no way.

“Yes dear.” Hera confirmed “But she doesn’t know if she likes him enough to date him steadily.”

“Well there you go.” Kanan said triumphantly. “Problem solved.”

She rolled her eyes “No, problem not solved.” 

“Why not?” he asked “Boy asks girl on a date, girl goes but doesn’t like boy, girl goes home, no more dates for boy.” he sounded so sure of his explanation.

“Kanan.” She brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose. “Sabine is curious.”

He was silent for a moment. “What do you mean?”

Hera sighed lowering her hand. “She wants to know what having a boyfriend is like. So, boy asks girl on date, girl goes but doesn’t like boy, girl doesn’t care, girl has boyfriend, girl hates herself for using boy, boy and girl split, girl is depressed. Problem not solved.”

He laughed “Sabine? The girl couldn’t care less about boys.”

“From what you know.” Hera muttered annoyed. 

“What? Does she gossip to you about boys while you braid her hair?” he asked sarcastically. “Sabine is the least likely one to go all dreamy eyed over some kid she had to rescue, twice.”

Hera sighed “She’s also being tempted by Ezra.”

Kanan’s mouth opened to reply and then shut again. He turned on his side toward her. “What kind of tempted?”

Hera hummed a high note in uncertainty that she should say. 

“Oh come on Hera.” Kanan encouraged “I need to know if the kid is taking things too far trying to get to her.”

“Nothing like that.” Hera assured “I think she’s just feeling a bit unsatisfied at the moment and Ezra’s the closest available boy. She’s also built up her feelings for him over the years and that doesn’t help in her situation, let me tell you.”

He shook his head “Are you serious?”

Hera adjusted her position a little “I’m dead serious Kanan.”

“Sabine actually has a crush on him?” he wondered out loud. 

Hera pursed her lips “I think she does like him more than before, but she won’t really admit it.”

“Are you sure you’re not just reading into it?” he asked skeptically. 

“She basically told me that she keeps thinking about him in a way other than friendship.” Hera informed him.

“Well that’s not good.” Kanan muttered.

“Why not?” Hera smiled “Wouldn’t it be cute Kanan?” she gushed, imagining them as a snuggly couple with Sabine finally dropping her guard for him. 

“No, no, no no no no, Hera.” He paused “Sabine liking Ezra would not be cute. It would be a nightmare.”

Hera was confused “Why would it be a nightmare?”

Kanan sighed “Hera, imagine for a moment there’s a young Jedi whose master is trying to teach discipline and focus. Then imagine the girl he’s fallen for suddenly liking him back. Do you know where all that discipline and focus is going to go?”

Maybe he was right “Out the airlock?” she queried. 

“Or into making their own one night record.” Kanan grumbled. 

She huffed “Well, at least he’d be using them.”

“But not for focusing on the Force!” he said in exasperation. “Hera, I wasn’t exactly trying to be a Jedi when I discovered how much fun I could have with a girl, but I know if I had been, it would’ve been a disaster.”

She laughed lightly “Probably, knowing you.” she linked her fingers in his. “But maybe Ezra is different.”

“Woah, Hera…” he scoffed “Are we talking about the same Ezra?”

She had to admit, the boy was certainly a one track mind. Supply him with a distraction and he could chase it for days. Tell him Sabine reciprocated his feelings and he’d be up in space for a month. Maybe longer.

“Ok. I see your point love.” She conceded.

“Thank you.” he said as though that were a finality to the discussion.

“But you have to remember what it was like when we were starting to fall in love.” She insisted. “It’s only going to get harder to keep them apart.”

He brought their joined hands to her stomach and traced a finger across her skin. “So maybe we keep them apart, send them in different teams, or give them separate tasks that don’t overlap.”

“We can’t do that!” she objected. “Besides, how would you keep them apart in their free time?”

He hummed “Jedi training.”

“I said free time Kanan.” she emphasised. 

“Just buy Sabine some new art supplies. That’ll keep her busy.” He said confidently.

“Kanan, she’s nineteen not nine. If you think some pretty new paints are going to make her keep her hands to herself… Oh, have you got a surprise coming Kanan.” she sassed.

“How do you even know? Sabine is obsessed with her art. It might keep her occupied.” he reasoned.

“And I’m obsessed with flying, but did that keep my hands off you when I was nineteen?” He knew she was right at this point “Kanan, I was nineteen when I finally decided that I liked you enough to have you, and we’d only known each other for almost a year. Sabine and Ezra have known each other for three now and she’s starting to come around to the idea that maybe he’s not so bad, just like what happened to me. It’s probably not going to take her another three years to figure out how to get him into her bunk.” she finished intensely.

Kanan took a breath “So what do you want Hera?” he asked sarcastically “You want me to take Ezra out to the desert and give him the talk?” That wasn't part of his plan for Jedi training.

She hummed “Might not be a bad idea.” she teased “I don’t know how much he knows about that sort of thing.”

Kanan shrugged “He rooms with Zeb. I’m sure he’s heard all about it. I mean, if you get a few drinks in Zeb and start swapping stories… well… ” he dropped off the ending of his statement.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Hera spat fiercely, untangling their hands. 

“Never about you.” he assured as he kissed her temple and lek. 

“I don’t know if I should happy about that.” she muttered darkly, pulling away from him. She’d known about his multiple escapades before she’d even considered him as an option to being her partner, but if he continued bragging about said romps…

“Hera you’re my only one.” he soothed.

“Not exactly.” she grumbled, not happy with the situation.

“You know what I mean.” he groused. She was being difficult again.

“Do I?” she spat. 

“You’re the only one I want. The only one I’d ever love enough to stay with. You know this.” he spoke sincerely. “You know about my past and you know you’re the only woman I want to marry, or ever be with ever again.” she did know that.

Snuggling back to him she linked their hands again. “I know.”

He sighed in relief, gripping her hand firmly. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I might not be happy.” she mused tartly. 

“Can I make it up to you?” he drew soft circles on her stomach with his fingernails, sending shivers down her spine.

“As long as we keep track of what number we’re on.” she breathed squirming as he let go of her hand and slid his lower.

…

Taking a minute to recover, Kanan rested his body on her lower half, his head just below her chest. He gently started rubbing his beard and dropping kisses across her stomach and lower ribs. She worked her fingers gently through his long hair. “Kanan?” she mumbled softly, feeling tired.

“Yes Hera?” he answered back still placing slow leisurely kisses on her ribs. 

“What if we have a child someday? What would you do about them liking someone?” her eyelids were drooping in sleepiness. 

“Move somewhere far away from wherever their crush lives.” he mumbled against her skin.

She chuckled lightly, combing through his dark locks. “What if their crush lives on our ship with us?” she sang.

He sighed “Is this about Ezra and Sabine?”

“Mmhm.” she confirmed before yawning.

“I don’t know Hera. Can’t we let them figure it out on their own?” He shifted upwards a little, kissing the valley between her breasts and laying his head over her heart. 

“I suppose we have to.” she pressed her lips to the top of his head. “They won’t listen to us half the time anyway.”

He hummed “I’ve been meaning to back off a little more and let Ezra deal with problems on his own.” 

“You did back off before. He started to go dark side on us.” She reminded him. Those days were not the best to remember. Having Kanan gone from the crew and watching Ezra struggle with anger and possessiveness was a sore memory.

“I know, but he had the sith holocron then. He doesn’t now, and I think he’s changed.” Kanan explained.

Hera closed her eyes. “I just worry about them.”

“I know you do.” he propped himself up to hover over her, kissing her forehead before rolling off to the side and pulling her to his chest. “But they are their own people.”

She sighed wearily “Yes dear, they are.” 

She drifted into sleep only to be awoken by his voice a short time later. 

“Hera.” he said softly once again. 

She turned to see he was sitting up, his hand over his chest and teeth clenched tightly.  

“What is it?” she was alert now.

“It’s Ezra.” he muttered.

She sat up quickly. “Is he hurt?” she panicked for a moment, knowing Kanan could sense when the boy was injured.

“No.” he dropped his hand beside himself. “He’s distressed, but he’s not harmed.”

“Where is he?” she tried to slide out of the bunk,but Kanan grabbed her arm. She still didn’t understand how a man who was blind could be so accurate with his physical reactions.

“He’s in his room.” Kanan said. 

She was confused. He was here? He was safe on the ship, but he was in distress?

“He’s upset at something.” Kanan clarified.

Hera took a breath. Well that could mean any number of things. She laid back down still a little nervous, but the fact that Kanan hadn’t bolted out to save the boy meant that he was alright to some degree.

“Teenagers usually are.” she mused out loud, pulling his arm so he rejoined her in the bed. 

“Maybe I should go check on him.” He said after a while, and sat up again.

“What happened to letting him deal with his own problems?” she didn’t want to leave Ezra on his own either, but normal parents who couldn’t sense their kid’s emotions wouldn’t be this way. Not that Ezra was their son anyway, but Hera knew Kanan cared for him as more than just a student. Besides, she didn’t want to pry.

“You know what?” He reclined again next to her. “You’re right, I did just say I’d let him deal with things on his own. He deserves more independence to choose his path.”

“As long as it’s a good path.” she smiled and kissed his cheek. 

He chuckled “Of course.”

What seemed like hours passed and Hera still couldn’t sleep. “Are you sure he’ll be alright?” she whispered finally. 

“He’s asleep now. I think he’ll be ok.” Kanan assured.

“Good.” she breathed, that was a relief. She transitioned to lay on top of him and leaned her chin on her hands over his chest. “I hope this war ends soon.”

She watched him smile gently “Getting tired of being single? I’m sure Sato would marry us if you said the word.”

She hummed “And then we’d be looked at as husband and wife, not co-rebels. Do you think they’d treat us the same after that?”

“Maybe.” 

She laughed “Oh, Kanan. I love you, but there are times you don’t get it.”

He rubbed his hands down her back and stroked her lekku. “Are you sure it’s me that doesn’t get it? You think that if we’re married that’s all people will ever see and that you’ll have a greater responsibility to me, but really, what would change?” 

“Well, we’d probably sleep in the same room every night and not just sometimes.” she started, in an amused tone.

“There, see? Perfect reason.” he smirked.

She smiled, but grew serious. “It would mean a lot more to me though Kanan. The way we are now… Our relationship like this isn’t… If I were to give myself to you completely, like I would if I married you I don’t…” She sighed, frustrated that she couldn’t express herself more fluently. “I love you, I really do, but the only thing I would want to do if we got married is to run away and never get close to a battle again. I couldn’t bear the thought of…”

He shushed her gently “It’s alright Hera I understand. I would do the same thing to be honest.”

“But this war will end soon! We just need to gather enough support and the galaxy will swing in our favor.” she said confidently. 

“How can you be so optimistic all the time Hera?” he asked with a small smile “You amaze me everyday.”

“We have to have hope.” She shrugged. 

He grunted and caressed her lekku with calloused hands. “Well I _ ‘hope’  _ you kept track of our number so far, we could still beat our record tonight.”

She chuckled and shifted to kiss his lips. “You’re always thinking of what’s important. Aren’t you?”

He grinned “You know me, I always have my priorities straight. Gotta keep you focused though.” he bantered.

“Oh I have plenty of focus dear.” she started kissing down his chest slithering lower as she nuzzled and brushed her lips to his skin. When she reached the top of his hip she grazed with her teeth before settling her mouth against the skin and sucking hard.

His breath shuddered and his muscles clenched. “Leaving a mark of your own?” 

She worked her tongue over the spot once she’d finished “Just in case another woman sees you with your shirt off and thinks you’re fair game.”

“I thought that’s what the scratches down my back were for.” he snarked

“Those too.” she chortled. “But this lasts longer.”

“And what if the rest of the crew sees it instead?” he teased “I might just walk around and flaunt it.”

She chuckled “Go ahead love, but it might give Sabine some ideas.”

He shook his head “I guess I’m never taking my shirt off again.” he groused. “What if she starts leaving her own handiwork on my padawan?”

Hera kissed her way across to the other hip “At least you wouldn’t be able to see it.” 

“Oh ho, funny.” grumbled at her. She smiled and laughed coming back up to kiss his lips. 

“Now, I thought we were focusing on our record, not on talking.” she cooed near his ear. 

He moaned as she started to kiss down his body again.  “I think you’re right.”

…

Waking in the morning her body felt heavy. Checking her chrono she saw that it was her past her normal time to be awake. She rolled over looking at Kanan still asleep beside her. She smiled, he wasn’t supposed to stay till morning, but given last night she figured he’d been too tired to leave. Kissing him awake she patted his shoulder. “Come on love. We need to get up.” Sitting up she sighed at the discomfort in her lower region. Had it really been that long since their last time?

He groaned trying to drag himself from sleep. 

She yawned and pulled on clothes that would mask her love marks. Moving towards the kitchen she saw Zeb exit, taking food into his room. That was weird, but she didn’t comment. Shuffling through the door she caught sight of Sabine sitting at the table. She could see her sneaky knowing look and kept silent about the night’s events. 

“Good morning.” she yawned making her way to the caf machine, pouring herself and Kanan cups. He entered and she nudged his hand placing the cup in it. 

“Do we have a mission today?” Sabine asked. She was in a brighter mood than usual. 

Hera rubbed a hand against her neck, dipping inside her collar. That was a good question. “I don’t know yet. We had something planned, but command said to hold off for a while till we get other orders.” Something big was in the works if Commander Sato kept them grounded. 

“So more time off?” By time off she meant staying on base. There was plenty of work to do here, but they wouldn’t be flying anywhere.

Hera nodded. “Yep. I just wish I knew why.” She grew nervous at what command had in store for them. She eyed Sabine and saw a hint of a smile on her lips. She certainly was in good spirits. Maybe last night went really well. She should probably ask.

Hera hummed a short clipped note into her cup as she drank. “Oh yeah, how was your date with Wedge?”

Kanan moved to sit across from the girl, probably interested in her response. 

Sabine tilted her head “Well…” she launched into a grand story where Chopper had interfered with Wedge and his singing performance for her. She’d found out that Ezra was the real culprit and went after him next. “Then I threatened Ezra a bit, apologized to Wedge, and came back here.”

Hera smiled bemusedly and muttered “Chopper was always a load of trouble. It’s a shame Ezra knows how to use that now.”

Kanan frowned and his closed eyes tightened. He was still worried about the feeling he’d had last night. “Sabine, did something else happen last night with Ezra? Are you sure he was alright when you saw him last?”

Sabine looked up at Hera in question. Hera knew what Kanan was asking and it would be good to see if Sabine could solve the mystery. Hera nodded for her to answer.

“Yeah. I might have slammed him into some crates while threatening him, but he seemed perfectly alright.” She shifted in her seat. “Why?”

Kanan’s mouth parted but he didn’t speak. Should he even tell Sabine? Maybe this was something private for Ezra. “I felt him in distress last night.”

Hera watched Sabine shake her head and bite her lip. She might be holding in a secret. “I’m sure he’s fine Kanan.” Sabine sipped her caf. “I’d better get dressed.” She stood and left, taking her cup with her.

“Well that was interesting.” Hera sat down in the vacated seat and studied Kanan’s face. “Maybe you should have asked Ezra first.”

“He’s not here.” Kanan couldn't feel him anywhere close by.

Hera had to put down her cup. “What do you mean he’s not here?”

“He’s not on the ship Hera.” Kanan sighed “He must have left early this morning.”

“Where Kanan?” she started to get worried again.

“I don’t know. I’ll find him later alright?” He clearly didn’t think being frantic would help in the situation. 

“Ok.” she agreed. “I hope he’s ok. Maybe we should’ve talked to him last night.”

Kanan shook his head “We’ll know soon. Don’t worry.”

...

Giving assignments to Sabine, Zeb, and Chopper she looked for Kanan. Not finding him she decided to call Ezra’s comm. 

No answer. 

She went to their base headquarters to speak with command about their assignments, but was instructed that there was no change in orders from before. 

Still grounded. 

Returning to the Ghost later that day she found Kanan at the table in the common area. 

“Kanan. Did you find Ezra? He wouldn’t answer my calls.” she watched him frown.

“He’s out in the desert somewhere.” 

She looked at him with uncertainty “Beyond the perimeter? Kanan those creatures are out there!”

He nodded “Yes, but he knows how to commune with them now.”

She let out a breath in relief. “Good, but why is he out there?”

Kanan shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. I wanted to go find him, but he felt focused and open to the force. I didn’t want to disturb him.” Kanan stood from his seat. “I suppose I should just let it be.”

Hera considered for a moment “You could, or you could show him that you care and ask about it.”

He tilted his head. “Maybe.”

...

That night Hera planned to wait up for Ezra, but Kanan found her in the kitchen and held out a hand to her.

She hesitated before taking it. He pulled and she resisted. 

“Come on.” he gently coached tugging again.

She followed him into her room and he embraced her. “He’ll be fine tonight don’t worry.”

She sighed “Are you sure Kanan?”

He smiled “Don’t worry, he’s ok for now.”

She placed her forehead to his chest. “I’ll trust you.”

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked in a honey whisper.

In reply she started tugging him towards the bunk.

…

Kanan woke to a feeling of intense sorrow coming from a familiar source. 

Ezra.

Climbing out of Hera’s bunk he pulled on his pants. He figured it was about time to find out what was wrong.

Moving out into the hallway he heard Ezra’s door closing and felt his distraught presence in front of him. 

“You’re up early,” Kanan said to the padawan.

“I’ve got a lot to do today,” Ezra replied, his voice static.

“You must’ve been busy yesterday too,” Kanan said concerned. “You weren’t answering your comm.” He had tried to call him several times, as had Hera.  

“Sorry. I left it here. I wanted to do some training and I didn’t want to be interrupted.”

Ezra had been a studious apprentice lately, but he’d never been this withdrawn. And that didn’t explain his feelings. “I admire the dedication, but you really should check in every now and then. And if you want to train, I could come along with you.” Kanan felt he had to get deeper to uncover what was wrong.  

“Thanks Kanan, but I just need to practice some things you’ve already taught me. Can’t let myself get rusty on the basics.” He heard the boy shuffle trying to walk away.

“Ezra,” Kanan called to him again, stopping him. “Is something bothering you?” Maybe asking outright would get him to open.

“No. Why would anything be bothering me?”

Kanan sighed. “I just got the feeling last night that you were troubled. I got a similar feeling this morning, just now.” The sorrow was there still. Like a rolling ocean beneath a cloud covering. He had to break through that fog and get to the real trouble underneath. “You can tell me anything, Ezra.”

Ezra paused before answering. “Well, I…” He stopped before moving even farther away. “Nevermind. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Ezra!” Kanan called, his voice louder now. What was wrong?

The boy raised his voice as well. “Look, not everything in my life has to do with the Force or with Jedi training, so unless it has something to do with that, it’s none of your business, is it?” Ezra stormed away.

Kanan could only stand and listen to his receding footsteps and feel the pain coming through their connection. 

It was times like this that he wished he could do more.

“Is everything ok?” Hera’s voice was behind him. “I thought I heard Ezra.” She had woken up and come into the hallway to see what had gone on.

He sighed “You did. He’s gone off on his own again.”

Her arms wound around his middle from behind. 

“What happened?” Worry was heavy in her voice.

“He won’t tell me.” He turned to face her rubbing his hands over her arms. So that’s where his shirt went. She was wearing it.

“Are you going after him?” she looked up at him wondering if this was something more than he was letting on. 

He shook his head “No. I don’t think he’ll open up to me. You can probably get to him though. You do have a way with kids.”

She chuckled and led him back into her room closing the door. “I can talk to him when he comes back, but I need to stay on base. Just in case command decides I’m needed elsewhere.”

…

Kanan spent the day in meditation trying to break through the cloud around Ezra’s presence. It didn’t work. 

He sighed in frustration and made his way out of the Ghost. Maybe he should go find the drifting padawan. 

“Hey Kanan.” That was Sabine’s voice. “Do you know where Ezra is?” 

_ Perfect _ . Kanan thought. Maybe someone Ezra’s own age and not a mentor to him could break into his current state and pull him out. 

“Let me take you to him.” He followed Ezra’s signature in the Force, but stopped far enough away not to alert him to their approach. “He’s down there somewhere.” he pointed in the direction she should go. “He’s in pain Sabine. See if you can help him. He won’t talk to me about it, maybe you can drag it out of him.” He hoped that she would be able to reach Ezra. They had become really good friends, and he knew she’d do anything to help. “Do you want me to wait for you?” he asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.” She said with a pat to his shoulder. He could feel her confidence and left, hoping he'd made the right decision. 

…

And now the wait. 

He could feel strong fluctuations in both of their emotions before they finally settled down. He hummed hoping that it was a good thing.

Hera caught sight of Kanan and wondered if he had found Ezra. “What’s wrong?” Hera asked approaching him. 

He sat on his speeder bike still, waiting to know the outcome of his actions. 

“I sent Sabine after Ezra to see if she could get him to talk.” He told her. 

Hera nodded in understanding. Sabine had always been good at comforting Ezra. It was a fair bet that she could help him now. 

Kanan stood and walked towards her “They’re coming back.” 

They waited side by side at the ramp to the Ghost. Hera watched Ezra and Sabine climb off his speeder bike and make their way towards the ship. They were both in a good mood it seemed, laughing and teasing. As they got closer she caught some of the playful banter.

“Yeah, but I never said that. Zeb did.” Ezra insisted.

Sabine knocked an elbow into his ribs. “Ha! You’re so full of it!”

Hera smiled. Her happy kids were back.

“Well” Kanan said as they drew near. “Is everything ok?”

Ezra glanced at Sabine and chuckled “I think so yeah.” 

Sabine merely rolled her eyes and Hera stepped forward “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” she placed a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. She would let him open up if he wanted.

He shook his head. “No, I’m fine.” He looked over her shoulder to his master. “Sorry Kanan for what I said this morning. I was being an idiot.” He added.

“As usual.” Sabine muttered under her breath. 

“What was that?” Ezra asked, a look of mock surprise on his face. 

“You heard me.” she fired back playfully.

Hera released Ezra as he and Sabine launched into a play fight with lots of laughter and witty comments as they ran up the ramp into the ship. 

Well, she had one less thing to worry about now. Turning to Kanan she saw the smile on his lips and figured he felt the same too. “So that’s over with.” she slipped an arm around his waist. 

He chuckled “Yeah. Thankfully.”

They were silent for a while before he spoke again. “Well, we’ve beat the record for your bunk, what about the record for mine?”

She laughed shoving him away “I didn’t know there was a separate record.”

“There could be.” He teased.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Don’t you think we need sleep?”

He shrugged “Hey, when have we been lucky enough to get sleep before?”

She laughed, he did have a point. “Well Commander Sato said we’d have a mission tomorrow so I need you to be ready and well rested.”

He moved forward and placed a kiss to her forehead. “Alright.” he smirked “You could come tuck me into bed if you wanted.” His voice denoted that his intention wasn’t as innocent as it sounded.

She felt herself quiver. “Maybe I could.” 

Yells and laughter were joined by growls from Zeb and hoots from Chopper. Apparently all of them were now engaged in a mock battle in the ship.

“Right after the kids go to bed.” He commented listening to the riotous sounds.

“That’s fine love, I better make sure they don’t break anything.”

Hera kissed him quickly and hurried into the ship. Those kids could roughhouse all they wanted to, but if they ruined anything they’d be in trouble.

Kanan laughed as he heard Hera’s voice shouting to gain the attention of the others over their raucous play fight.

He hoped that one day if they had their own kids, they wouldn’t be half as destructive or worrisome. 

Well… he knew he had to take his losses...at least the destructive part they could fix.

He walked up the ramp listening to Hera command respect from her crew and knew she truly belonged in a rebellion against the Empire. This is what she was meant for and he would be selfish to ever want to change that. He could wait to marry her properly when the time came and the Empire had fallen.

Which, according to her wasn’t very far away.

  
  



	14. After the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after Zero Hour

“Hera?” Kanan questioned as his door open and shut. He could feel her warm presence but also her exhaustion. They had broken away from Thrawn’s ambush and gotten survivors to the next Rebel base. The moon of Yavin was a stark contrast to Atollon, green and lush with life teeming everywhere.   
Hera sighed as she sat next to him on his bunk. “The last of the reports are written, but I still need to make sure we didn't sustain too much damage from that battle.”   
He placed a hand on her thigh “No, you need to rest. It won't do us any good if you're not running on full power.”   
She was silent. Silent for too long.   
“Hera?” Kanan questioned.   
“I'm sorry love. Maybe you're right I do need rest.” She sighed heavily. “I just can't shake the feeling that I could've lost you today. We could've lost so much more than we did.”  
He reached out to her in the force and sent comfort to her in waves. “Look Hera, things could be worse everyday and I'll always fight to be by your side. If one day we're separated by fighting or by death just know that I love you.”   
She pressed a kiss to his lips “And I love you too Kanan, but today just…” she sighed. “When they attacked the base I thought you'd….”  
He drew her into his arms. “It's ok Hera.” He held her close just listening to her breathing. They could've died that day. They could've died many times over many years, but they didn't. He was still here holding her in his arms peacefully just like he always wanted. 


End file.
